Can I crash on your couch? I just came home to find my wife giving two guys blowjobs.
Two?
Two.
we got back to my place and he started talking about feelings. i politely told him to leave and that he managed to cock block himself.
Did I get blown in the bathroom? Yes. Did she throw up cranberry juice on my shorts? Yes. Did she finish the job? Yes.
i realized i had a pad on before i went to this guys house so i stuck it in his neighbors shrub.
It's gay pride weekend and Father's day.. So in honor of the occassions I am now BI
oh you know, the usual stuff. getting kicked out of bars and sleeping in cars.
Apparently drinking in your car before going into a sales meeting is frowned upon. We are car sales men not doctors.
I spent a good part of the night in a bear hat claiming I'd changed spieces
I need a genital shamwow being this wet.
He literally just peed in a trash can in our room. It didn't even have a bag in it
Congrats. You made me have an orgasm in Starbucks.
I had to switch to male Siri because I could feel female Siri voice judging me for reading my sexts out loud. Also, the dude voice keeps me in the mood.
Pretty good. Thinking about getting day drunk and filling out job applications so I don't hate myself as much
I woke up in a front yard I didn't recognize to a grandma tapping me with her foot. What was in that punch?
Who was that dick in the suit telling us to stop drinking?
The priest.
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