If my vagina had boots, it would be shaking in them.
i'm in the guys across the halls apartment. i think 7 MIP guy wants me. he just got a medical marijuana card. might be worth it.
Why do I feel like I used to feel when I almost got caught looking at porn when I get caught looking at facebook at work
I just lost $50 at the races, got drunk, and woke up to my ex-gf. Apparently the good decisions kept on rolling...
One of my students just said I have "big mommy parts". Even third graders know that my tits are too big. God I love em.
There are walks of shame and then there are walks of what the hell is wrong with you.
Some mysterious chinese delivery man dropped off 2 free egg rolls. Clutch
You told them that the brownies were safe, and then pointed to a passed out Ryan and said "see?"
I'm about to do the walk of shame in a christmas onesie. What would I do without christmas sweater party season?
Which one of you fuckers thought itd be funny to see if the kitchen table can float.
The problem is drunk me is completely unaware how poor I am
Just got a ride from a stranger while walking a mile home as it hailed with no coat. He asked me if I smoked, then said he just made some potent cookies and I could have one.
The cookie was what I originally wanted to tell you. Always say yes to drugs from strangers
And then the templeton police were like "oh I remember her, yeah the blue haired girl that we picked up cause she was passed out drunk on the side of the road"
So will your sis find it a compliment if I tell her I lost out on some awesome dick to go to her bday dinner???
I think I should write my liver a thank you note. If it had my work ethic, I would be dead now.
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