did you make any bad decisions?
many, i pretty much fell in love with a freshman...it doesn't get much better than that
I'm so fucking pissed that I wasted my shooting star wish on him and his little penis.
you made me watch la bamba, and then you yelled at me for disrespecting your mexican heritage.
No, don't worry. We're not going to get THAT arrested.
Mac n' cheese is coming out of my nose. You can't make that feel better
I just had to take a drug test for my new job. I should have asked them if they could tell me if I were pregnant or not while they were at it and save me the guesswork.
There's limited edition cherry vanilla nyquil. It's like they know how much I hate myself and they're giving me a consolation prize.
Thank you blackberry messenger, for giving me a way to sext faster and more efficiently
I feel like "stop licking my face" isn't something that needs to be repeated twice
That moment when your fucking in an airport bathroom and forget to lock the door. That poor man...scarred forever...
I masterbated poison ivy onto my penis, it hasn't been this upset with me since the Take one for the team fiasco of 02.
so i just realized the reason you didn't answer my call last night is because the remote isn't a phone.
"hahahaha" is not a sufficient reply when I tell you my mother laughed at a joke about me giving blowjobs.
I got a free corona t-shirt and all I had to do was drink a beer. This needs to be a more widely accepted form of currency.
Sorry I missed your call. I was in the shower washing away my sins and sweat. Please tell me you want to get drunk as shit later.
Randomize
