Well maybe next time you won't tell me to do whatever I want.
Ordered weed last night from the delivery service, and who showed up...my old real estate broker. He said, "this is less stressful." Duh.
Meet me at the corner of "what the fuck" and"how'd you get in my bed" in 10 minutes.
She just face-timed her mom and had her watch all of us toast to her grandmas tits..
The last mom I slept with was the worst lay ever. Imagine fucking a hairy wet pillow for 60 minutes. Good luck with your milf. I was joking about the Susan Boyle comment btw.
She was so morning drunk she asked the lady at brueggers for a bandaid and my self respect back
Hahahahahahhajahahahahajajjajahjahahajahahajajahahahajjajajahahjajajajajahahahajjjajajaahhahhahahahahahahahaha dominos taxi
Dude id rather jerk off w a fist full of bee's than deal with that girl that never stops talking.
Hey so when you left last night was i wearing shoes?
Have you ever looked death in the face and have the urge to shit yourself. I'm in that situation right now.
Morning fuck and a coffee. ARE YOU READY TO CONQUER THE GALAXY WITH ME??
I yelled at him as he left "you broke up with me. You lost your blow job privileges"
I did not pay that kind of money so that It could be hidden. that bra needs to shine in glory so that it can be seen by the world.
He spilled some of his beer on your shoulder then proceeded to lick it off. By the face you made, I don't know if you were completely horrified or really turned on.
And here I am, playing fetch with my cat at two in the morning.
Randomize
