He had a number 3 tattooed on his penis. And when I asked what it meant, he said " you know like dale earnhardt, the intimidator".
Please don't tell anyone I peed on your wall.
I just want a box on franzia all to myself. Just me, my wine, my tears, & my self loathing.
Sober December ended when I found beer behind my bed...I lost $2000 but spent 6 hours sober. Meet me at the bar?
Just coat-checked 2 backpacks full of 40's...it was the bouncer's idea.
mary just dropped the yahtzee dice in her wine. and shes throwin em like shes on a craps table.
hahahaha slap the bag.
The melted ice in my drinks tonight is probably the most water I've had in like 3 days accumulated.
i was really disappointed no one would drink beer from our cleavage last night except for us
It's going to be weird as hell when you have kids. I'll meet them and think "Hi, Did you know that I was almost your dad?"
Is it bad that I recognize every dick in your dic pic collection?
Just got a Lifeproof case for Christmas so hold on and tell me how my shower nudes look
Naked and Afraid: Hangover edition
He stopped mid thrust ... To check snap chat .. From his roomie
We decided it was a good idea to go streaking through the campus. Everything was fine until the sprinklers turned on and we realized the keys were in his pocket.
IF THE SUNS NOT EVEN OUT THEN WHY IS HIS DICK OUT WTF
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