I just found out the guys at work had a bet as to who could sleep with me before i move away.
Who won?
All of them.
ya and he came three minutes into it because he didnt have sex all summer
oh that makes more sense i knew you arent that good
You totally narrated your dogs thoughts for 2 and a half hours last night, and I was enthralled. I didn't say one word, I just listened.
Walk-of-shaming home from Brooklyn in a Jesus costume that has "what wouldn't Jesus do" written on the robe.
You were shirtless with a cowboy hat in 15 degree weather then u shotgunned a can of mixed vegetable Progresso soup
Impromptu road trip to New Orleans for four days of Mardi Gras. I'll probably be alive and back for Valentine's Day plans, probably won't stick my dick in some random either-might be using my free pass you cheating asshat. Love you. Expect random texts & probably a drunk dial or twelve. You did this to yourself. You're not invited so don't bother. Have fun at work.
By the way, do you realize that you asked me how much you could get for your eggs last night. And once you learned the price said that you had plenty to share.
it's just not right when you're boyfriend has a nicer ass than you do.
I know you're on a date and I should leave you alone but about twenty minutes ago I realized I haven't been spanked in years so if you're still looking for a birthday present, you know, consider it.
WHO ARE THESE GUYS WHY AN ORGRY ON A MONDAY LMAO
This morning when you were fucking me you said you'd go to the store and get me tampons and a 30 pack
Hypothetically speaking...if I was arrested in Wisconsin, say Kenosha county, would you post my bail all the way from Oregon? If yes, will you also accept my collect call in t-minus 13 hours?
"You can have sex in my class, just stay quiet. I don't like noise." My professor... Shall make for an interesting semester.
Lessons learned from last night: do not leave me drunk and alone with strippers and a credit card. Let's do whatever's cheaper.
He was about to go in...and he fell off the bed. Ruined mood!
Randomize
