I just found out the guys at work had a bet as to who could sleep with me before i move away.
Who won?
All of them.
you shoved the noah's ark of animal crakers in your mouth saturday.
She was wearing a shirt that said "Just Do Me", holding a half of a bottle of Vodka, and was screaming at her friends "PUSSY JUST SWALLOW!" before she chugged the rest of the bottle.
Dude, if you don't take her, I will.
It's official, I've know hooked up with everyone I carpooled with in middle school
i've never smoked before...when you said wake and bake i thought you meant like a funeral bbq or something
I can't begin to describe what I look like walking through the grocery store with this outfit and chocolate syrup.
Some guy wearing a horse mask just knocked on my door and started whinnying. I opened the door and he was like, "...oh sorry, wrong room..." so awk.
I woke up with a piece of pizza duct taped too my hand and a paragraph written on my chest. Good night is say
Just be aware that next year I will probably try to seduce you to avoid going to the gym
Be proud. You give fat lesbians everywhere shower-nozzle worthy material for weeks on end.
Why do I have a vague memory of your entire fraternity climbing in through my bedroom window?
I woke up with my wool blanket soaking wet on the dorm room floor, and my sweatshirt hanging on the shower door down the hall. So basically my camp-out-in-the-bathroom idea didn't turn out as planned
He's all enlightened and liberal. My next beefcake will be much more Neanderthal.
She made me a smoothie in the morning.. It was vodka and fruit.
like I licked Molly off a boys palm last night at a bar I think its ok to eat chicken once a week
Randomize
