I met a girl last nite that charged by the inch. i didnt have enough money but i figured shed be a good deal for u
Life lesson: if you fart while talking to a girl outside, the smell does not dissipate, it just lingers around mocking you
i just heard one Asian kid say to another, "i bet if i could get into Harvard i could get laid all the time, my brother lost his virginity the first night there."
dont you remember the bouncer yelling at you while you were trying to piss?
no. why was the bouncer in the bathroom?
he wasn't. neither were you.
bad: friday night i tripped and fell outside my dorm. worse: i just found out i broke my ankle. worst: i was shitfaced and don't remember any of this.
Id love to say been there done that but im a slutty drunk not a stupid one.
You going to have to be more specific than the night we blew an 8ball off the toilet..
like the only thing i remember is bringing a piece of toast to the bar...
we are all four or five tequila-induced decisions away from shitting in a bucket, come get me please.
lesson #1 of freshman year: grinding with a sombrero is difficult
Too bad pet owners lack respect for my training in ancient Buddhist and holistic rehab therapies.
I'm not sure the Buddhist consider pot brownies holistic rehab therapy
You were passed out by the toliet and when i said i had to pee you told me to piss in the sink. Never has a girl with alcohol poisoning been so rude.
As he was cumming he yelled "Yahtzee" then said im free to go. Thats my one night stand
Don't worry my mom is buying me a vasectomy for Christmas
You told everybody that you were a dragon and then projectile vomited all over the kitchen.
dude. I can hear the air.
Randomize
