he's my edward cullen
I am pretty sure Edward Cullen never had an all-day drinking binge topped off with some blow.
so I woke up and found tortilla in my belly button
on the list of things id be doing when i was almost 30, waiting for a girl to finish shitting the bed wasn't on there.
It's summer and yet I still can't have one library session w/o seeing someone who has had their penis in me.
I think a used vibrator from amazon.com is a great valentines day gift foe my ex.
when you agree to fuck a guy it does by NO means make it okay for his roommate to hide in the closet with doritos and watch
He made me hold his dick and say "I solemnly swear that I'm up to no good"
New drinking game. Every time Romney and Santorum switch leads, take a shot.
....this is what your political science major is getting you?
I gave up trying to understand them years ago. Now I'm just trying to fuck them.
Yup, found the vomit in the side compartment. My bad.
If it snows I'm making an igloo and getting wasted in it
she broke the sink..i repeat the sink is off the wall. send help
outside on the street drinkin, walked into a random house and asked to pee, some kid hands me a beer and says i have to chug it first
I just puked on the sidewalk. At 11am. Thought you'd like to know.
Just found out I lit my hair on fire last night.
I was singing Colors of the Wind and swigging vodka and still felt like more of an adult.
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