He waited til after we had sex to tell me he had herpes... Ugh I hate being drunk
I cant help but love a girl who informs me of the pregnancy test results by emailing me a YouTube clip of Barney Stinsons not a fathers day speech.
it will be an insanely irresponsible summer.the only things i plan on not doing are dying and getting pregnant.and even those are negotiable
Yea idk it was like early in the morning and you were walking around with no shoes carrying a printer
Unfortunately, the Bilbo Baggins adventure side of me that likes to go on adventures appears to be losing to the side of me that likes to smoke weed in the bathtub and watch Workaholics.
I picked up a chick last night on crutches wearing a I am boobman tshirt. I love raves.
Is it rude if I don't go?
No. It is not rude if you don't go to her cat's Star Wars themed birthday party.
Now, one of you come feed me, the other read me my physics book...I'm too hungover for this shit...
Thanks for bringing me tea/a bucket. You have earned yourself a face touch.
Dude! We had to write our address on your arm in permanent marker so you wouldn't get lost. You just showed the cabbie your arm and he drove you! Nice guy.
Yo making cake in the shape of a penis is no easy feat
When you get this divorce finalized we're going to mid evil times AND pirate dining adventure. We're gonna find you a couple of real men and make them joust/swashbuckle for your affection. My treat.
She sent me a video of herself sitting in the car stone faced listening to the Titanic song on silence. She won't answer my texts.
You just kept looking down at your tits and screaming "I LOVE YOU TWO!!!"
Um..... I have taste. The only thing I am going to bedazzle is my vagina.
Randomize
