how much do you want to bet that her wedding invites will be vera bradley themed? loser has to frame theirs.
So we sucessfully lit our bathtub on fire. Thought you should know.
You are colorful like whore, yet adorable, like sad puppy. You need more drink.
Omg calling you in 10 to update you on who I peed on last night
I forgot how wholesome of a place a park is when youre not drinking there.
I honestly can't remember your justification for putting peanut butter on your cell phone.
When I woke up everyone at the party was in their underwear. Only you guys were playing strip pong.
Yes, we all have the power to convince a large amount of people to take their clothes off
I just want to let you know that when you try and lie about the "solid 10" you brought home last night, I've got a picture of her and about 10 reasons you should have left her at the bar starting with those martin scorsese eyebrows.
And all I ask is the occasional "welcome home from work" blowjob.....and for you to fold my laundry. I hate folding laundry
It was dumb but not something to force me into sobriety
In my defense, there are at least three ways to die doing that, and I'm still here. America, Fuck Yeah!
Just drink your champagne out of a trophy like a fuckin winner
He was publicly touching my boobs before I even knew he's a famous World Cup skier.... That's how hot he was
While the cops were busting my party one of them said. O you have an Xbox? Do you play online? Whats your gamertag?....
I collect Covid conspiracy theories like I collect Pokemon.
Randomize
