My bed smells like naked
Haha. At least it doesn't smell like herpes
i hope the fucking fire crotch burns his mouth
I just woke up in the coolest sweatsuit i have ever seen..it has cory's name on the tag...do we know a cory?
in respone to your voicemail you left me on saturday, yes i had gone to bed and no i was not still drinking at 5am
we are both sitting on my bed desperately refreshing the order tracking page for dominos.
This tent reeks of fear and sangria
You bought champagne and told everyone it was because I'd just found out I was pregnant. How exactly is that being a good wingman?
A beer is a heart your wish makes!!!
Reading old FB posts. Why did I ever stop drinking?
I didn't pop out of a cake in a speedo with diagrams
In case that's what u were picturing
she's fucked both of my roommates but not me. i feel like I'm not part of the group anymore
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
I stole the butter cup cuz i brought home my rolls and chicken and didnt want the butter everywhere. I miss your body because its amazing.
Hey I didn't mean to come across like I was judging you about your liberal sexual choices. I would like details of your threesome if you need to talk about it!
Looking back at our past texts, the minute it turned 2020 you were cleaning your house and I was dying of the cold. We were prophesying the Rona.
Randomize
