alone in the kitchen at 4 am eating a hotdog.
did you ever find your cell phone? and your dignity?
I'm playing the Jersey Shore drinking game by myself at my mom's house. Things like this are not okay after college.
The freshman next to me just said "I was rocking out on my way here to Dave Matthews..." I wish I would have passed this class the first time.
on todays agenda: meeting with a life coach then going to the dollar store to buy batteries for my vibrator. clearly im still unemployed.
THERE ARE ENTIRELY TOO MANY HOT UNDERAGE GIRLS HERE FOR THIS TO REMAIN LEGAL.
she's doing key bumps of parmesean cheese
I'm sorry I make you whore yourself out to him everytime I'm drunk and want mcdonalds.
You need to tell him your pregnant or we need to stop playing doubles beer-pong. My liver is begging you.
You got into a heated argument about Frankenstein's intelligence while double fisting burritos from taco bell.
I don't save the phone numbers of guys I don't like. That way it's a surprise when a random number texts me and tells me I have great tits.
There is what appears to be urine on the woman's bathroom sink. I just have so many questions right now.
Ok despite the fact that both you and I love dick we could have a great marriage
Woke up in a cemetery. Puked in front a funeral ceremony that was going on.
Do you remember telling those ppl that they need to mate and give you the baby and in 15 years you will all reunite and it will be a party?
Randomize
