Jake died.
WTF????????? That's how you tell me????
Oops typo. Jake cried.
Hey baby girl when you gonna let my tongue get up in that ass like i'm an explorer trying to go deep under on a quest for the lost city of atlantis
your text was fucking rediculious. Will let you eat my asshole though.
Well, it's 24 hours till finals. I need high A's on all of them and I still am not sure where exactly on campus most of my classes took place.
I just remember getting him back by licking the window on his truck.
i licked the inside of a toilet bowl for $14. i really can't talk about my night.
well we could tame deer to let us ride on them. does that work?
She legitimately thought I was hiding in the fridge, then she checked the second one to be sure
I swear to all that is holy, next time you get my mom high with your "special bake sale" I am going to put your dick in the blender.
It takes a special kind of man to fart REALLY loudly right before entering a woman and still get some. This has been a state of bootytown address.
Dude, for twins they have shockingly different blowjob styles.
STOP FUCKING MY SISTERS!!!!
I was sat at the table waiting with a glass of wine reading my book and the hotel staff gave me a goldfish in a bowl and said 'heres your date for the night' !
OHMYGOD I LITERALLY JUST FINISHED JERKING OFF AND MY MOM BUSTS IN AND HANDS ME A BABY WHAT THE FUCK IS GOING ON IN MY HOUSE JESUS H CHRIST!
I don't want sex or anything I just really need someone to appreciate how shiny my hair is
That isn't the worst part. It got a bazillion times more awkward when he read me a poem he wrote about his dead cat.
Woke up with a pineapple again... where do i keep on getting these ??
Randomize
