party was madd awkward.. it was like every person who i sat next to in high school and never said hi to was there
I can tell how much and what I drank by my morning shits
I too understand the importance of cheesy bread
everything was going good until you started showing off the pictures of poop you took with your phone
The night started going down hill when she shot the cashier in the face with the confetti gun we bought at 711.
I brought his matress to the living room we're laying on it listening to rick james drinking vodka
Its okay, i dont mind you drinking, im just surrounded by it, there is some random dude laying on your couch with a bucket that ive never seen before
I'm mad at him and disappointed with you. It's like I put a bunch of effort into a PowerPoint of "what not to do with Zach" to show you and the first bullet point was "do not love him" and you're just disregarding all my effort and friendship.
I have to make mistakes myself to learn from them
FUCK YOU I AM MAKING A POWERPOINT
Koalas always seemed like really high little puppy kittens to me.
i am an animal i am literally locking myself in my house and not coming out for a week i don't deserve to be in public
You know it was a good night when you're lying on the couch in your pjs at 4pm having a pitcher of ice water for breakfast.
like, you weren't just lying there, you were wrapped in what appeared to be the skin of a wolf, chanting doomsday prophecies
THE END IS NEIGH
Just so you know sleeping with you is like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
That's the most romantic thing I've ever heard
I’m traumatised. Bring vodka and condoms.
It was a successful conference for my sales and my sex life. Those are probably related
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