If you're gonna cry pregnant again I'm not coming over.
I got my nipple pierced! I love it so much!
Well, there goes breastfeeding.
the majority of my texts from you are at 3 AM & consist of either "I'm drunk", "you're asian", or "bratwurst"
As long as you don't die I'm in full support of your drinking decisions
if they reproduce, their children will be the worst quarters players ever
I've heard so many rumors about me being taken home in an ambulance I'm starting to believe them.
I found your bra. How you get it off the satellite dish is your problem.
I want a burrito.
Truly, you are the voice of a generation.
I'm pretty sure I had my drunk fortune told by a gay Miss Cleo last night. At least it's advice sober me can agree with.
Yeah, if you don't like strip clubs you won't like microwave chimichangas.
Dedication to a hook up: I had to recruit five people at the train station to help me buy a ticket from a kiosk and get on the right train in 15 minutes because I discovered that my car was stolen.
You're a Heat fan? You lose any chance blowjob bc of your poor choice.
Don't act like you're a victim to marijuana
this is a PSA to never have sex in a bed from ikea
I sure hope so...I wonder if he could tell in that email that I'm really good at blow jobs. Hopefully he heard that tone. Any means necessary.
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