she came over and started getting naked and said its not like i came over to just hang out
youve hit the jackpot
so then you were screaming "GIVE ME KELVINS!" and heating things up in the microwave and no one knew what you wanted
so I woke up this morning and on their fridge, the first item on the shopping list was my virginity.
we just ha sex. he lasted two minutes. i told him to leave because i had class
isnt today saturday?
I wish the health center treadmills counted beers burned not calories
He tried to bang a 300 pounder last night. No joke. I shotgunned a tall boy in a bar cuz the bartender didn't crack the beer. Cant wait till Nashville.
Drinking with mariachis at jimmy johns.
She started puking and I started running and I swear to god there was a wave of vomit chasing me down the stairs.
is anything happening tonight?? I'm soooo in need of a tasteful and healthy bender.
I was looking threw the photos on my phone. There is 8 different ones of us peeing on things.
The fun I thought I would be having now when I was six is vastly different from what I am currently doing. Hurraaay sex and vicodin.
I just did shots of fireball with my dad in a car wash. How's your pregaming going?
think before you get married my friend it's my birthday and just got done jacking off
How do I stop your cat from bathing me? I'm afraid she'll get drunk off my sweat
Last night was fun but it wasn't right. I will say that our lives intersected for a brief and intense moment and we will just leave it there.
Randomize
