Did you ever notice that cashews look like fetuses?
i popped this huge zit on her back while she was blowing me. it was like a disgusting metaphor for what happened 30 seconds later.
You told the cops that they couldn't arrest you because they weren't hot enough to fuck
I literally made his dick bleed. How the fuck do you think it went?
If we both stop thinking about your penis for just a moment, we'd realize it is important and good that you are spending quality time with your family
You handed some guy a spoon you found, he yelled SPOON GAME, and then the two of you spent the next 20 minutes throwing spoons all over the kitchen.
i also performed surgery on a chicken burrito from what i can tell from my scissors
It's also dangerous to ride a bike down the stairs after a few beers, but I've done it.
I'm treating myself to a " uve slept with yet another mr. Wrong" breakfast
I totally accidentally said "we don't go around hammering girls in the rear" in front of 132 5th graders today.
Hypothetically how does one go about throwing away a dildo?
The fact that you walked around talking like Barbie and still got laid amazes me.
I just remember banging him and then at some point I went and took a shower and went and laid in the closet
What's the best way to tell a guy he can call me when his impending divorce is finalized?
Honestly, this social distancing bullshit is giving me a good excuse for drinking alone.
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