Did you know that cab drivers don't take quarters for payment? They don't even like it when you ask.
I love having a boyfriend. I just ate pancakes with regular syrup and chocolate syrup, I havent shaved my legs in a week, and Im still going to get laid tonight.
fuck. you.
Dude I need help. What word is complimentary, but sounds like "chunky"?
You tried to luge a beer down a flip flop.
Mistake of the day: loudly discussing my gay hookups on the phone at the dmv in upstate NY... this must be what leprosy feels like
Most violent shit of my life. New Years resolution of eating better is already kicking me in the face.
You screamed "she never feeds them anyway" and threw the fish tank off the 3rd floor balcony. Don't park on our side of the building.
You know what a wolf looks like when it kills a small animal? How it shakes it around in it's mouth? I did that to a bag of Taco Bell last night
Because drinking and showering don't go hand in hand. There that's my PSA of the day.
Fuckin' raining men in my bedroom while I'm trying to drunk eat a rather large portion of pasta. Like shoo I already picked who I'm sleeping with. Pasta wins.
Not sure, she said after cussing out the dentist they called security. Make that the first person I know 86'ed by a dentist.
Let me just get through this whole court subpoena thing and then ill go back to buying alcohol for minors.
u would mumble something and then get unnecessarily loud and say random shit like 'id fuck the shit out of taylor hanson right now'
after that bj i gave him, i could fucking punch his mom and he wouldn't give a shit
Thanks. I just smoked a bowl topless so I'm in heaven right now.
Randomize
