living well may be the best revenge, but it doesn't hurt that my exhusband is now dating a BEAST.
Then you jumped off your bed with your arms outstretched, yelled "I'm Goliath, watch out New York!" and then began singing the Gargoyles theme song as you 'soared' around your room.
Don't be ridiculous, the Gargoyles theme song has no words. How could I sing that mess?
You just started going "da da da da da! da da da da da! DA DA!!" then going "swoosh" as you glided about.
dude, i was at the student union last night trying to study but some retarded sorority spent an hour voting on the color of the seasons shirts like it was a UN meeting- someone motioned purple, someone objected, and half an hour later after 2 recounts they decided on purple
She was so loose she sounded like a jar of salsa. I didn't know that was even possible.
He called me from prison intake to wish me luck on my job interview. Somehow that's the most romantic thing that's ever happened to me.
Well at least he stopped keeping track of money by bottles of McCormick.
There's two big trays of water in our freezer. I just hope they freeze by Saturday. for the ice luge.
its Wednesday...
they're reeeeeally big trays
i figured out i could get from the downstairs bar to the upstairs bar AND grab pizza by going through the kitchen. it was the greatest discovery of my life besides the flabongo.
There are several different types of life sentences in my purse right now.
There's always a certain something about a day that begins with your panties in your purse.
I feel like drug tests are a little less "random" when you are employed by your father.
Have you seen our bachelor? He's MIA. Last seen being led to some hookers by Kanye look-a-like.
As we have told you before, the first rule of hook-up bingo is we don't talk about hook-up bingo
I got really stoned and got my certification as an ordained minister. How productive has your day been?
Your cat ate my taco.
. . . I don't have a cat?
It was laying in your bed. Now it's hunting for more tacos.
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