I just changed her number in my phone to "You Wouldn't If You were Sober"
so when I got there he was dressed as jesus in a recliner drinking whiskey out of the bottle watching spanish porn. Then kept shouting dont judge me or ill judge you. we didn't even go to a halloween party.
UPDATE: lighting the grill with Bacardi. Haven't slept. Forgot the hamburger buns. Almost out of our eighth handle.
I thought that u needed a break due the fact that your nipples were bleeding
Trying to figure out which chair my head was under last night
Then she cat effected the picture of my dick I sent her the other night. I'm in love.
I'm in a dress, surrounded by Republicans, and the bartender just told me he's "out of Jack Daniels" in a very accusatory tone. Shit, is it only 8 PM?
The only thing I had in my freezer before today was patron and cheese.
I think tonight's gonna be the night I wear a go pro while trippin on acid
earned some solid air miles from the plan B I just bought. #silverlinings
look when god gives you a dick that good for his son's birthday you don't question it
Pants are for mortals
drunk snapchatting is the worst, because i woke up with great pictures of my tits saved to my memories and no idea who i sent them to
I dont remember you getting a condom thrown at you. I think I had a concusion
Fuck my life... Im so horny Im gonna take it out on this sandwich
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