I woke up on my floor...
I woke up with colors of the wind playing on repeat on my laptop...
I could give you a full detailed description of 75% of the penises in that room
Whats the count minus fat chicks?
You mean 'full wolf form' wasn't a drunk text?
I know it should be off bounds, but can this be the chick we all sleep with at some point? I can write it off as drunken mistake, you all just have to come up with equally good excuses
You defs just slept for 6 hours in a porta pottie. You should probably just kill yourself.
He showed me one of his balls and said "this one's free. you'll have to work to see the other.."
Dude I really need to stop drinking. I chugged a whole bottle of ketchup last night.
I just flicked a lizard out of the window with a bud light in one hand and spatula inthe other...dont tell me you dont miss the south
I hope your fat roommate breaks the bunkbed and crushes you in your sleep
My goal this weekend is to get a number that goes with the penis I take him.
Aspirations
he threw his shirt and suit jacket out the window of the uber going home
If I die, sorry about rent.
WE JUST PASSED A FUCKING SPACE SHIP! NOT JOKING! A REAL FUCKING SPACE SHIP! THIS IS NOT THE DRUGS! SPACE! SHIP!
Yoooooo, the fat magician married the chick I dumped a beer on after I got pissed he was flirting with her in front of me
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