So, I woke up to an empty bottle of scotch and a dead car. The last thing I remember are the strippers being mad at me. Awesome night.
Feels good to be wearing underwear again though...
Girls are like M&M's, once the lights go out you can't tell the difference.
If they ask for a stool sample we r no longer friends.
mondays should just be called national damage control day
All she said was "the usual?" and unzipped my pants.
we used a swiffer mop as a stripper pole.
...then she kept trying to make balloon animals with my flacid penis. I'm never drinking whisky with you again.
So would it be tacky to offer my services as a future attorney as an engagement gift for her?
Do you remember using the vicegrip to demonstrate how wide your penis is?
I HAVE to find her. I've got a pretty decent pic of her footprint on my headboard. Wonder if I can get one of the podiatry majors to help?
He spelled Steven with "ph", needless to say my nose was almost bleeding from the amount of axe he was wearing.
JEREMY RENNER GOT DIVORCED. I STILL HAVE A CHANCE.
There's not really an emoticon that says "I'm sorry I honked your boobs, and that you weren't a fan of that."
we went book shopping, so yes this relationship is going to be about more than sex
MANIFESTATION IS REAL AND IM GETTING LAID TONIGHT
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