he just texted me two pictures of his dick. i feel i should rethink whatever vibe im obviously giving out
so is it as big as he says?
he put a tube of toothpaste next to it as a reference. it looks legit
I just asked my hair stylist how many percocets she'd do my hair for.
I can't wait for the 4th. I'll probably get drunk and end up puking all over whichever 18 year old I end up making out with.
Would fucking the college coach be against recruiting rules?
Mom looked at me, frowned, and said "it makes me sad to see you drink before noon.." So i told her if she doesn't like it she needs to stop waking me up before noon.
Hahah. They reconnected again?
Like with his penis I guess
Well we did eat French fries lady-and-the-tramp style last night...
Not gonna make it. My ovaries are playing laser tag
I thought the Bane mask would really repel dudes but instead I ended up grinding on a frat dude that whispered "bad bitch contest, you in first place" in my ear in a Batman voice
I just almost caught my floor on fire, then decided I could put it out with my knuckles! So I'm doing good!
I cried while dry heaving in the back of the car to the New York song with jay z in it. I was singing it inbetween gags.
I'm gonna cum garlic butter
roommate singing save a horse ride a cowboy wearing a cowboy hat a bikini and jeans while humping the couch.
MANIFESTATION IS REAL AND IM GETTING LAID TONIGHT
He was singing on top of spaghetti, and then started crying. He said it was the saddest song ever, "so so sad".
Randomize
