Holy cold harsh reality of sobriety batman
not only are you not the girl i fell in love with, but from the looks of it, you ate her
why is it whenever you puke in the park there are always little kids on the swings?
you did pass out in the elevator last night, so it could be motion sickness
New drinking game: take a shot everytime Jay-Z is played during the NFL draft.
Is sexting at a funeral morally wrong?
So my bf wanted to cum on my face and I let him. Afterwards I wiped some off, wiped it across his forehead and said, "The king has returned".
Some old truck driver just made me smell his beard I hope tonight turns out better
Get drunk. Masturbate to his picture. Fall asleep. Repeat. Fuck summer.
Move ovrr Titanoc and all you others. Heres the real tale of woe. This ladys failed search for boozdy goodnezs.
You kept yelling "NO CAPES" at me for no apparent reason
I just blew thrown up hashbrowns out my nose. That's the level of this hangover.
I just saw your brother in some random persons yard climbing a tree. Just saying.
Probably on drugs.
Whenever a guy asks me why I like weird sex stuff, I just answer, "Catholic School".
I realize that my conversation topics seem to only be about bees and my cross dressing fiance. Thank you for being my friend.
Randomize
