Dude I totally just watched a girl put a tampon soaked in vodka up her vag
I need new friends
tagging him in all 73 close-ups of your cleavage might have been a little obvious.
Also, just saw a homeless man answer a phone call on a blackberry...
The mexican place next the the funeral home has dollar margaritas, our grandfather would want us to act on this... trust me i know.
I had his cock in my mouth and he still wouldn't shut up about Star Wars.
second attempt at shower sex: failed after the water turned orange bc of a fire up the street. this is just not meant to be
I DON'T CARE LET'S GET DRUNK AND GO. I STRAIGHTENED MY HAIR DO THIS FOR ME.
They make twin pack pregnancy tests for girls like us
Because I can't get laid, I'm day-drinking and hunting squirrels in the backyard. You can take the girl out of Montana...
Full contact beer pong was definitely not my best idea.
Sex-sore abs and my workout pants have gravel stains on the knees. It's like the workout of shame.
Virginity is like the pottery barn-you break it, you bought it.
Thanks....I've always wanted my vagina compared to an overpriced coffee table
Dude it's huge. I don't usually like looking at those things, but you're kind of forced to stare that horse in the face.
One last thing: he lists glow sticks and tacos as things he can't live without. How would we not be friends??
He's balder, I'm skinnier. I win. I. Win.
Randomize
