I got my nipple pierced! I love it so much!
Well, there goes breastfeeding.
Shitting during a conference call is so empowering.
i just ordered an al pacino with double mocha at starbucks.. i'm waiting to see how long it takes the chick to realize what i said.
I am swimming in semen. He must have been holding it in for a special occasion.
he peed everywhere. it's like having a puppy.
It's going to be great. They guy at the store said 3 shots and you won't be able to feel your face or stop smiling.
id pay someone 5 dollars to tell me whos house im at right now. comfy couch though
He kept spanking me and talking about biomedical science.
Aw, you fucked a pre-med? you're moving up in the world!
I just wanna go home eat some pizza rolls, get warm and jerk off, and it's only 845. This shit was supposed to make me see unicorns. Not cry
you smelled like vodka, i think that's why my grandma liked you
She left a blanket, pillow, a glass of water, and two advils in the bathroom for me. It's like she knew. Best room mate ever.
I've honestly never felt so much emotion towards a wall
She only fucks to metal. I don't know whether to marry her or run for the hills.
So, looks like I managed to leave my bra in the boardroom after all the sex. FML.
He bought me a bottle of Malibu. I think I could love this guy.
I've loved people for a lot less.
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