I just gave the bartender my number in roman numerals. If she figures it out, she's worth a shot
this boner is exhausting
Just saw a guy wearing pink jeans and i bet he's straight. Fuck 2009.
You passed out and she managed to carry you all the way back to your dorm last night. I believe your testicles now her property.
In other news, shitting yourself is not an acceptable way to start a Thursday.
I just used a baby fork as a roach clip. I am totally the cool aunt.
I fell into his fridge. I want to leave.
I literally just force feed a guy flintstone vitamins after sex
He said I gave him the best head he's ever had and I bowed. I BOWED.
I mean you can one up her. Instead of ruining friendships you can ruin marriages.
The fact that I made out with a twenty one year old father is kind of worrying me now. Like. This is exactly what I wasn't supposed to do in life.
Whenever a guy asks me why I like weird sex stuff, I just answer, "Catholic School".
3 weeks in a row I've pulled '69' at the deli counter...God is giving me shit for not getting laid in a year....
I just woke up with a pair of handcuffs in my pants, can u explain this?
THERE IS WATER LITERALLY DRIPPING OFF OF THE CHANDELIER. I OFFICIALLY HAVE THE WORLD'S WORST RAINFALL SHOWER HEAD.
Randomize
