so tomorrow. i'm thinking coinstar then adderall?
I really like him. That's why I'm having sex with someone else, so he doesnt think i'm a slut.
You tried to convince me you were sober by doing jumping jacks. For an hour.
Its not that I'm getting free haircuts... Its just that she is paying for sex with haircuts...
Ohh man do you know how awkward it is to keep eye contact and have a normal conversation with someone while their hand is in your vagina?
There is a literally infinite number of spliffs going around this table.
Delicious
I feel like I'm at a sushi bar with a spliff belt.
Just saw a guy I fucked in a clown suit in the bar. It's not Halloween. I have got to start making better life decisions.
I just had a horrible epiphany. I have fucked girls younger than Star Tours
This text was so worth waking up to
I'm wearing a utility belt filled with alcohol
Is it wrong i wouldn't sleep with him because his boxers said #1 dad all over them?
You can't have your cake and publicly stick your dick in it too
My body hates me. Pretty sure I drank 3 pitches full of coffee last night and took two adderal. I slept and ran a marathon at the same time. You should see my bed.
We climaxed at the same time during ain't no mountain high enough. Does it get more cheesy or domestic for a non relationship?
I'm waiting for your stupid pizza and this 400 lb drunk man is behind me singing the acapella version of Elevation by U2
Why am I not drinking beer at 8:26am is the question
Randomize
