I seriously think I have a tan line on my stomach from getting a boner while in the taning bed.
he kept asking me if i had been in a pool or a lake recently, i didnt want to say i know where the swimmers ear came from. shower sex.
All he wants to do is masturbate while I sit there with my big toe up his ass that is not even the worst part of it.
Mom just Facebook checked into an Applebees at 2am. Caption: ''WITH THE BESTIEZ.''
Nicee. Atleast your phone doesn't change pen in to PENISsSSSSSSS like mine does
Pretty sure that I got the MVP of wedding reception... woke up on the bench in the hallway of a hotel and we did NOT start the night there.
What do you wear to apply at a strip club?
I slipped on a piece of pizza last night and when the bouncer helped me up I told him the garbage can pushed me.
Yeah, my new jeep also came with custom license plates that read 4SKIIN. Not "4 skin" but "4 skiing" thanks mom and dad
I just need some dick and some jimmy johns
Would I be crazy if I drove 1,000 miles for some dick? What mile does it become ridiculous?
The look of disappointment from my cat while I take nudes...
Oh my god if I have to go on fetlife to find a guy who will fuck me right around here, I'm going to scream.
Wait an hour then go and untie him. Bring toilet paper and some spare underwear. Want anything from Starbucks?
She is beauty she is grace
she’s masturbsting in front of an open window while drunk af 9am
i thought you had class
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