i am NOT doing that with my feet, or any part of my body
someone called me shannon dorrhety annnd it hurt my feelingsd.
I wish I could still say I don't know that you taste like bad ice cream.
im using old socks as coasters. im going to make a great housewife.
when I woke up she was standing in the living room with a bottle of scotch because she is "allergic to hangovers"
A stripper just got mad at me for saying goddammit. She's in no position to lecture me on morality
just mention it in a side comment sometime today... like oh by the way i have a daughter but um yeah my day was good
his dick got so hard in his pants and it broke his zipper
If the blowjob was before the wedding, we're not technically related, right?
Only way we know if he truly fits in is if we spill straight vodka on the floor and his first instinctnis to lick it up. Otherwise, gameover.
He wouldn't give me a cup of water for my bong so i sat in the drive thru to run up the timer until he gave it to me.
it's ok my mom asked me why i had a guys shirt on and also why there was chocolate all over my bra
sooo trippy being back in town after 5 years. if you had asked me in high school who would be future coke heads, i would have been way off
My walk of shame turned into having to get his dad to tow my best friends car out of the snowbank in his driveway
You just kept yelling "you ain't got no pancake mix." to the tv screen
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