Your vagina is a self cleaning oven.
we were both hunting dick last night. it ended terribly for both of us.
you sent me the whole alphabet, one letter a text. it took 15 minutes to read them all
She just asked me if her C-section scar turned me on.
I had the spins so badly it was like I was having sex with 2 girls
i think he saw me take a picture of his dick
I'VE CAME 4 TIMES TODAY. I AM AS DRY AS THE SAHARA, STOP YOUR WHINING.
we're the same shoe size and he owns more pairs of heels than i do. this could be the beginning of a beautiful friendship
It's Been a while since I puked in vomit bush. I hope it doesn't feel neglected
I have the rest of my life to settle down this is totally time for friends and pizza
I need thought I would ever have to use the phrase "Don't fart on that Calzone".. Thanks for that
I am 5' 11" of pure, uncut Fuck Off right now.
I found a used condom in my purse this morning. It was in there with a bunch of smushed french fries.
The cards I get dealt on tinder now are karma for fucking a married man while I was in high school.
I'm like a camel in the desert in a black hole I'm so thirsty.
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