Lol i'z typing this with my 962 nose
962=my?
Yeah.i
she asked me if i wanted her to take her wedding ring off while she was giving me a handjob.
He spent the whole night convincing me I wasn't fat, but after we had sex he said "Oh, I see what you mean"
I intend to get homeless drunk
Youre on making sure I dont black out around fat chicks duty
I was an emotional waste case that night. She made me stroke her ponytail.
I HOPE YOURE READY TO KICK SOME SERIOUS ASS AT TRIVIA NIGHT TOMORROW NIGHT. also, i hope the birth of your niece goes well. BUT MOSTLY TRIVIA NIGHT.
Remind me in the future that chugging dog codeine is not the best idea.
You were face down in the punch bowl, humming the theme to jaws
That explains the stains on my shirt
He tried to puke in the 14th hole and when I told him to stop he started chanting "hole in one hole in one"
The 78 year old woman who works next to me divorced her ex husband, remarried her first husband, and retired all in one day. I'd say it makes your breakup on Valentine's day pretty insignificant.
I can't wait to get home and drunk cuddle your dog
I want falafel more than sex right now. That's really saying something for me...
I just made my mom buy me lube. I've reached a new level of broke.
Why do pants feel so unnatural once you enter your own house
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