I wish I could have two rating systems on iTunes. "This one is a 5 star. This one is only a 5 star when I'm baked."
You're having sex and i just smoked and made oatmeal...i'll give you some time to be jealous
If you dedicate your next bite to me, I'll dedicate my first orgasm to you.
despite contrary belief, getting peanut butter off your balls is not as easy as it sounds
halloween is SO much better on drugs, why didn't anyone let us know about this when we were kids
Watching the tv in the reflection of my phone cause I'm too hungover to roll over.... Yes it is 4 PM...
We now know how the night ended in arrest according to the flip camera I did 10 handle pulls and beer bonged a 40. My life choices are getting worse and worse this is your fault.
I think his roommates are using word magnets to tell me that they can hear us. His fridge currently says, "Chris ate out naughty girl."
I just want to be naked all the time but not in a sexual, come-hither and look at my ass sort of way. In a slightly chubby yet not ashamed way as I eat Taco Bell and lay on soft fuzzy blankets.
Its like her house is inhabited by 50 year old lesbian water color artists with a throw pillow fetish
Dude, those shrooms u gave me made me remember writing the bible. Fuckn awesome
It was like coming out my mothers vagina again in slow motion
He wants to take me instead of his girlfriend to the happiest place on earth... By that He meant Vegas. My morals are just loose enough to think this is a good idea
My house smells like bleach. Also, I do not feel bad about all the stuff I stole from the hospital while I was there.
Does being an adult mean drunkenly signing for your tax return from a foreign country? If so, I've reached adulthood.
An old Grimace plushie came to life and gave me a pretty knife. I'm never doing acid again.
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