That drug basically just makes anything that's in your mouth awesome
Also he wants to know a casual, consise way to ask a girl in a bar if he could eat her out. Think on that.
Today, my boyfriend informed me that I look like my dad when I orgasm
i ordered 6 shots "to go" what did you think was going to happen!
i need to stop celebrating other people's birthdays like they are m own.. my body can't handle a birthday every week
I need you to know that everytime my toddler does the downward facing dog in the nude I think about the night you and your dude fell in love.
As soon as he came we went to Dairy Queen. That drive through lady was very condescending about our "just fucked" ice cream.
I have the relationship skills of Miley Cyrus and I could've said this was a bad idea
You walked up to a random girl on the street and asked her for a bite of her pizza...
I'm trying to find some better sex background music so his neighbors don't hate us. This is tedious.
In the morning when you read your texts, just fyi you showed up at my house drunk off your ass and shoe less and demanded I go to the bar. You need Jesus.
I buy a new bowl every time I get a new guy. It's retail therapy.
PSA- Wearing assless chaps results in embarrassingly painful sunburn
So high I legit spent 20mins in the shower just holding my tits cuz they feel bigger than normal.
You had a 45min conversation with the Ronald McDonald statue I have the video to prove it
Randomize
