Friend I haven't seen in almost a year just IMed me to let me know that my mom stuck her boob out the window on the freeway at her.
Her mom responded by mooning my mother. I really don't know what's worse.
I just watched a blind kid buy from one of the vending machines on campus...guess there's nothing like a good surprise?
I had one margarita and got the worst headache of my life... its like my liver has senior week ptsd
I came over to his house for a party and realized I was quoted on the fridge... "How'd I get rug burn on my face?" And yes, my name was right next to it!
I really wanna punch him. Right in his cell-phone-sized penis
He said that he didn't know what level the sun was on, and then he puked.
Pissed along side the highway while waving at all the traffic... if thats not a sign of a productive night to come then idk what is
She said she'd heard about my nickname in high school. Apparently sledgehammer isn't as popular as you'd believe...
But he's not just anonymous male genitalia anymore. I've met him, I've seen his face.
Anxiously awaiting my period drinking Hershey's syrup from the bottle. Don't judge me
You said something about how beautiful my pockets were, then walked away.
Yes talking about pockets is classic me.
Woke up, moved an empty handle of fireball to spit blood, then put the morning cigarette out in it.
'TWAS BUT A GLORIOUS SIGHT. BITCHES.
I haven't had a bra on since I quit my job.
It threw me off a little. I had to take a moment and ask myself, "Is he really fingering me in his mom's kitchen while I eat a whopper?"
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