I hope mine doesn't look like that
I ran out of diet so I'm mixing captain with a juice box. Being a mom has finally paid off.
I just saw a like a 30 person deep walk of shame... it was like the million man march but with dorm chicks
Threw a lawn chair at the neighboors dog. I think I killed him. Come here and assess this
just saw someone whip out a flask during lecture... I think I found a study partner
Just been one of those weeks where alcohol out weighs friendship
Dong worry about me. I just cashed bottle of wine when I found out he was in town, I'm being dramatic. I'll text you tomorrow when I'm sober and my face stops bleeding
She texted me shhh....im drunk, secret booty call...how could i say no?
i had choclate birthday cake for breakfast and am currently flossing my teeth w a condom wrapper. at work. hot mess for 200 alex
I'm going to fuck every single member of the men's olympic swimming team and no one is going to stop me
its not like i called off work either time for the purpose of tripping, it was more like well, i have nothing to do now today, there is acid and im only human.. but twice
The fact that he offered to stop once he stuck it in my ass was sadly the most considerate thing anybody's ever done for me.
I think my pussy is going to freeze to the ground
I'd like to have a moment of silence for all the dicks she's broken off
How I know I've been single too long: I'm reveling in finding out my taken friends are being tragically dumped
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