I called the bartender Mr. Intoxication last night. He thought it was funny until i threw up and blamed it on him
i just had sex bonerless
We walk out of his house and his dad is there, so I had to meet him and shake his hand pretending that same hand hadn't been down his son's pants five minutes earlier
Is it bad that everytime I read or hear "Woo Hoo" I immediately think of sex because of The Sims?
So...i'm having a drinking contest, my right hand vs my left, i have a feeling the 24 pack is gonna win
He's taking me to Burger King to celebrate losing my virginity..
hungover at the ER to get half my contact removed from behind my eye. Not the start to the weekend I was hopin for
Lots of alcohol last night skiing this morning = me throwing up off chairlift
I just want a pillowcase full of fast food so I can eat and sleep this hangover away
Is it possible to sluttify a hobbit costume? Cause if so, this will be my biggest accomplishment.
So i had a feeling this dude with one leg in a wheelchair was following me around Walmart turns out I was right. He just asked for a picture of my feet.
i mean i let him but still...
I think John will remember that birthday for a while. I'm still dying at the fact a stripper was hunting me down.
I got St Patrick's Day drunk on Friday and apparently ordered a Total Gym in the middle of the night
I drank Dr. Pepper and instant breakfast mix together and threw up sober for the first time.
She was a cheerleader in college and President of her sorority and now she’s a sales rep for a pharmaceutical corporation. “High maintenance hot” doesn’t even begin to explain it
But dear lord is it worth it
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