I reminded them that I didn't puke and I cleaned yours up! So huh!
Make note: the first date is too soon to make the "condoms are only for making balloon animals" joke.
she told me her fantasy was her as a 55 year old cook at a truck stop who smokes a pack a day, and I was the 21 year old illegal immigarnt prep cook.
the way she shouted out instructions during sex made me feel like I was having sex with my gym teacher
Yeah sketchy neighborhood.. Some woman ran by screaming, "i didn't steal anything" as some cops rolled up and arrested her.
if i actually bought condoms for every time i had sex, i could single handedly fix the economy
We're friends with people in his circle of friends so we're half way in. It's like I've already given him a hand job.
he texted me at 3am asking for "one of my famous blowjobs"
When one is stoned and browsing online dating profiles all men sound like serial killers.
That sad moment when you flush your Molly down the toilet at the airport & watch your vacation slowly end..
Well, I watched a girl proposition a shit ton of people, try to take a cocktail waitresses job and then proceed to walk into a wall. Damn, I'm a little jealous.
He's a 30 yr old man who voluntarily goes by Stevie and his job title is "Jumbotron Operator". There's a 97.5% chance he lives in his mom's basement. STOP THIS NOW!!!
I'm just blindly tossing my dick into whatever comes my way.
You are not the cause of late onset lesbianism.
I'd climb him like a horny MILF spider monkey.
Randomize
