I'm at his house. He has VELCRO shoes. I'm too desperate to leave...I may need help in thee life dept
was i over the top when i said that i wished they made v-neck pants to her?
You gave him your vagina and this is what I get in return? This is bullshit!
$3 wine plus diet sprite does not make good champagne.
does taste better than andre tho
I may or may not have just visibly given him head in front of three young children and their mom. They all looked mortified.
I think we should make a list of challenges so that when stuff like that happens, we can check it off. Like a scavenger hunt for hoes.
just found a carrot inside of a baby sock. living with toddlers is like living with tiny hammered people.
Just so you know I would totally fuck you. Does that count as a feeling?
It's a system.. i get to hook up with them and you get to play words with friends with them afterwards.
She called to say she's single and blow job season is back.
the intervention consisted of my aunt taking me to chuck-e-cheezs and telling me that this was my future - either as a mom or as a waitress - unless i stopped fucking around.
did she buy you pizza?
Given he decided my interview was a date, showed up drunk and insisted on carrying me everywhere, we weren't off to a good start.
Your mission, should you decide to accept it, is to pick up rum, beer, and cigarettes. Your holiday will self-destruct if you ignore this message.
I just sneaky put a tampon in on the bus ninja-style.
......how on earth do you do that?
NINJAAAA
I JUST BROKE A NAIL MASTURBATING. WTF I could even enjoy my orgasm bc now I'm gonna have to spend $50 on my nails.
We have ur drink. Mom passed out in the bathroom. I'm goin to the other bathroom. Bs at the top of the stairs on way outside.
Randomize
