Sorry, I don't speak sober.
No, I'm only going to drink half my paycheck. That's the responsible thing to do.
like semen in my mouth is absolutely disgusting but i'd still like to experience it
Everything smells like syrup. But I guess that's better than last time when everything smelled like beer.
I have no idea what happened after 2 AM. I woke up on my bike, in my bed, with a deep thigh bruise.
The two guys from next door helped him do a backflip. The ended up throwing him halfway through a ceiling tile. Don't worry, we fixed it with duct tape.
getting a black eye the first day of spring break really sets the tone for the rest of the week.
There is a girl on the metro with no shoes and she's using a Crown Royal bag as a purse.
I walked into my room to see them crying, watching hey arnold, and passing a franzia box back and forth...
Damn you and your Monday night power hours.
He came in 20 minutes late for his final wearing plastic bags on his feet, and a tablecloth cape. Explain.
I was just hoping for a dick worthy of his established age.
I just wanted to tell you that the German word for "dickhead" can also be translated as "ass violin" and I think that's beautiful.
Imma do four shots of whisky within two minutes and pass out. Otherwise this'll go badly.
It will pretty much be equal to the feeling I had when you let me hold your dick while you were peeing, or when I graduated high school!
Randomize
