let's get her a shirt that says "i went to key west for spring break and all i got was this illegitimate child."
no, forget the keg and come see this. prego pants here is dunking chicken nuggets into pudding and crying over a cat show on animal planet.
I think my multiple attempts of taking his life, no matter how unintentional they were, has put a damper on our friendship
I made him an O's fan. One pic of my tits coming out of a Baltimore shirt and it was done.
You said that we all need to "head out like a boner through sweatpants and get fucked." Jager night was a success.
At least your night didn't end with three cops seeing your ass and you sitting on the ground in a wig throwing your shoes at people
Hold on. At Sephora trying to decide what despair smells like.
Whoever put the rooster in the elevator is my fucking hero. Who even thinks of that shit?
I spy something regrettable...
Oh my god. Stop!! It was one time and I still can't believe it.
I guess that's what I get for clicking on a link that says clown penis.
I've never known a porn star before
There's not even an emoji for this
You're going to find someone that you love very much and that loves you, and then you're gonna find an additional person that you literally can't stop staring at from across the room. I feel very confidently about that
It was a good hour of moans, penis compliments, smacks, and what sounded like someone running in flip flops
I thought I was really making her scream. Turns out she had a Lego jammed in her lower back.
we went outside for a smoke and when we came back in you were ptfo on the floor holding the phone to your ear. Pizza pizza was on the line.
Randomize
