It was just pointed out to me in a meeting that there is a lipstick stain on my crotch.
how hairy? two words: wookie tits
He said he had to make up a lie of why he couldnt sleep with her. It must really suck to have a sunburned dick.
He gave me his number and said the usual call whenever you need someone but then was like... or just call me.
You would pick up a guy in AA.
They high fived over us while we gave them synchronized blowjobs. In the same bed. Under the same blanket.
as you might have guessed from my lack of texts, the herpes have calmed down.
I definitely made out with a high school student last night while his sister and my brother were in the same room. I think we're all traumatized by the situation.
Preparing for the bar exam has made my whatever disorder you said I have act up again
hell hath no fury like a questionably-gay best friend scorned
YOU BETTER NOT BE SHAVING YOUR LEGS RIGHT NOW IM TRYING TO HELP YOU
pls come over. need ride to hospital once taquitos are ready
I want you to know. From the bottom of my heart, that you are a great friend, a beautiful person, and one of my favorite people in this world. But if you ever send me that many messages again at 4am I swear to God, I will push you in from of a fast running rhino
So learned a new trick last night.... Taking body shots from my own tits... Mom would be so proud
I was trying to get nudes from last night and ended up getting a family portrait!
It’s bad enough my brother slept with half of the sorority this year, but now he’s lifeguarding at the club and every divorcée and cougar in town is asking me for his number. My twin is a manwhore and I’ve become his pimp.
Randomize
