AHHHH!!! note to self never google image chastity belt omfg
it's gonna be a chat room kind of night
she's got that wholesome 16 and pregnant look.
and i think we compared dick sizes, then high fived...
Any parent would be proud to have a daughter that's a blowjob fairy
I came home drunk to my night light on and a Hershey's bar on my bed. Mom knows me too well.
The coffee from our coffee maker just hasn't tasted normal since we made Mac n cheese in it that one time....
There were 11 girls in that minivan and everyone was either puking, crying, or yelling "we're a total shit show"
Went to 3 separate liquor stores today and I just made a huge tray of jello shots. This will be the Thanksgiving that puts all the others to shame.
do you remember when we thought we were both knocked up by the same guy like two days apart and would have half twins? Thats a best friend moment.
Siri makes being stoned even easier. I don't even Have to type my texts myself
Though I typed a half of that one
I want to name my colorful bowl Batman. Why? I still have yet to figure it out. But I'm calling it Batman.
I think we've reached the point in the summer were we need to go back to school. I was so bored yesterday I nearly bought blow dart gun.
You should just skip the small talk from now on and instead say something like "You need to come slay the dragon, be here in 15?"
I just watched an intern spill two trays of coffee inside a spinning door
Best exit from a building ever
Randomize
