Don't be scared. It'll feel very good. And you'll be clean afterwards. I'm growling right now.
you threw up in the bushes next to the ABC store and kept saying "you're home, blueberry vodka, you're home!"
Hindsight: maybe I should have included a few transitional texts in between talking about your son and my need to have sex. Do over?
He just said "fuck you" to the bowl he's eating things out of
I fell asleep at the bar. And the bouncer threw a snowball at my face.
and she is using the paper towels as a pillow... but you know what? i've done that too.. so u can really tell we are sisters.
Apparently it's poor taste to ask for a break up blow job...in McDonald's. Also, that's not the best way to break the news either.
The only thing that made me get out of bed this morning was knowing that tonight, I don't plan on remembering what happened today
HEY. That drawer full of booze in my dorm room also has aspirin and Tums in it. So don't tell me I don't care about health.
I can't tell if I'm getting better at doing my online spanish hw drunk or if my teacher is just grading on creativity. Either way that senoritas gettin an applebees gift card when i graduate.
Woke up to a sex noise notice under my door...he gets a A+ for proformance and ill be seeing him again.
Why am I wearing a dog collar
Only way we could keep you from running in to traffic.
how do i say "cradle the balls" in Italian
I'm not gonna lie. I need sex like plants need water right now. I just need the dick.
Hey man, he's too drunk to remember what you said. What drugs are we buying and when should we expect them?
Randomize
