U know those big foam mats in the back gym for track?
ya, gonna go have sex there?
No I want one to have wings and pick me up and take me home
so on my way home this naked dude runs right in front me his weiner at half mast screaming i'm only doing this cause its a 50 dollar dare
everything was going good until you started showing off the pictures of poop you took with your phone
She made me go with her to get a pregnancy test since she's missed a few birth control pills. She made me park in the "expectant mothers" spot at CVS and preceded to ask if it would be in the pest control section.
he was like "finding out that arrested development was cancelled" bad
Apprently after I bit that bouncer, it all went down hill.
Because her vagina is one of those illusive black holes that leads to a parallel universe where he is king and the sea is made of beer! That is why they are together!
You need to come back and help me drink our beer so the fridge has room for the other beers
Don't worry, I'm preparing for tonight by lining my purse with a garbage bag.
THEY AREN'T MARRIED. PUT ON YOUR HOMEWRECKING PANTIES AND GET TO WORK. NO EXCUSES.
I now have a bottom rung on my kissing scale. Like I can say "Well. On a scale of Matt to Braxton he was probably a Zach." It's the little things.
Why is my car covered in what appears to be salsa verde?
sometimes it's just necessary to be your own gyno when you're too afraid to tell your mom about your real life
You know that thing where you wouldn't typically eat ass but you're in love with him so you want to eat his ass, because it's HIS ass
Baby Shark came on during sex.
She has BABY SHARK on her sex playlist. Who does that?
Randomize
