he said he wished he had more hands so he could firmly hold my boobs.
Pot didnt help. Now Im even sadder but now im afraid of the clouds and the crickets.
I just puked into a plastic bag at a red light. Go me.
As of tonight I have officially had sex during every Disney movie.
im pretty sure thats the first step to being a pedafile
My Pizza Lunchables won't fit in the fridge because of all your alcohol. One of our addictions has to give.
We bonded over the fact that we each, separately, got arrested on the same weekend.
A man that refers to my vagina in third person is a man after my own heart.
Were you drinking last night?
Because typically I don't associate the phrase 'Go sleepy time' with sobriety.
I can't get over how you look like his sister and he wants to fuck you.
Ran into his sister at the gym and hit it in the parking lot. I dont even feel like a bad friend she got a boob job and lost 20 lbs its not even the same sister
Oh I see how it is...you can snap chat the world your balls but I wear dinosaur feetie pajamas and I'm the "weird one"
This bar smells like your ball sack. In a weird way I miss you.
STAY IN YOUR APARTMENT. DONT GO TO SAFEWAY TO BUY CONDOMS. DONT GO TO THE VAN.
The only thing he told me before he passed out was that he is from Buffalo and I'm a bitch.
Whoever said it shouldn't take a man to make you happy clearly wasn't having sex everyday.
Randomize