the last thing i remember is you screaming lets hunt humans.
Wow. Thanks for becoming another fan of something on Facebook. You make me want to gouge my eyes out.
When she e-mailed me back asking for proof, complete with hospital intake records, I just told her it was a home-birth. I'm prepared to take the fail.
Just to clear things up. I did not walk in on him jacking off to your facebook profile.
Sweet and genuine is kinda lame. I'm more of a bust all over your face and hair kinda guy.
Uhm the hair is off limits bro, conditioner can only go so far.
Bro? You just made it a target.
her dad gauges his nipple piercings.
It's always awkward in the office the day after your boss sends you a dick pic.
I think the moment I knew you were going to black out was when I told you how many shots you had already and you were shocked and then poured another one
How does she have a hairless cat and a husband it's not fair. Both are hard to come by
Apparently I called him, said "vodka" and then hung up on him.
I'm sorry I keep drunk texting your boyfriend sports updates.
That's okay. He needs friends too.
I'm actually glad the whole thing's over now. It's exhausting to fake a pregnancy.
Imagine not having to fake it.
Yeah, I should never have kids, probably.
all I want for my birthday is booze and sex toys. don't bother calling if neither of those are included.
Dick is dick
Look decision making is not my specialty
Which is why I just spent $33 on a breakfast sandwich coffee and hash browns
We smell like vodka and hangover
Randomize
