If you're gonna cry pregnant again I'm not coming over.
I haven't been laid since Bush was president.
I really don't want to move...I'm having a motivation problem.
kev is about to show us pictures of the tranny he accidentally fucked last night.
I'll be there in 10
i came home at 4 a.m. and made a dozen eggs and three lbs. of bacon. my mom woke up and the only thing she was pissed about was that i used the whole carton of eggs, but then she sat down and ate with me
The National Anthem was on so I had to have a beer
The preggo girl brought her pet chipmunk to class today. fyi.
your philanthropy is ruining my sex life.
Have you ever tried running while drinking 151?
I've only left my bed to pee and eat nutella out of the jar with my fingers
Her mom is home on her lunch break. Guess who's hiding In the Closet?
Hey, don't think you remember me but we met last night. I'm conducting a survey this morning its only one question: Have you seen Rob since 1am?
He told me to prepare for his "Jurassic cock" and I had to leave the room from laughing.
I mean in all honesty I would let James Franco shit on my chest. End of story
He sent me nudes and I told him he reminded me of Buffalo Bill.
yeah true but how easily can you rip a scrotum
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