I haven't worn deodorant in like three days and have been laying around in my underwear listening to music and drinking. I think i've made my own Bonnaroo in my apartment.
you were so high you were expressing yourself in action figures
tip of the day : never have sex with a full bladder. it WILL lead to complications and a very unhappy partner.
im flying all the way to minnesota to see him for four days... cutest-best-friend-reunion or most-epic-booty-call-ever?
who says it cant be both...
DID YOU JUST COME OUT THROUGH A FACEBOOK COMMENT??
He said I did a backflip off the thing on the doorframe and busted my ass. I'd give anything to remember
he asked me for a gerbil feeder full of alcohol
I created another version of Halloween, it's called swalloween, whatever girl in a slutty costume you bring home has to swallow or forever be known as the holiday grinch
Why do the people I hook up with still exist after we're done?
I feel like everyone in class can tell we had a threesome last weekend.
Thought I was doing makeup today for a photo shoot for a short film. WRONG. Try I'm on the set for a Fucking Sci-Fi PORN.
Walking towards a police car with full spotlights on you while being fully erect..awkward exp. for both parties
The creeper at the bar just realized we have the same birthday and bought me four beers already. He walked off so I took his change and dashed, i'm bringing the case over now.
It was sweet, he carried me out of my bathroom after I passed out, built me a pillow fort so I wouldn't roll out of bed, set a glass of water on the table, and brought me a mixing bowl to puke in. Totally a sign we're more than just fuckbuddies.
Grandpa just whipped it out and started pissing on the way to the game stuck in traffic. I saw EVERYTHING. :(
Randomize
