do you think i can make that microwavable cake stuff with vodka instead of water?
you should probably use water
i dont have any
You were so high at Ikea last night that you were convinced you could speak Swedish. The whole the time you were our navigator and when we got to the cashier you were hitting on the lady. When she gave you her number you told her you were saving her number as Inglfurfta cuaue she must be swedish since she works there.
The family from the blindsided came and talked to us last night. The dad owns 68 taco bells. You would have been so inspired
What started as a "classy" double date ended with Jeremy and I tripping our balls off and talking to the refrigerator while the girls cried on the couch and questioned where their lives were heading.
Well it involved jumping two nine foot fences. But when you mix alcohol and persistence you can't lose.
Although I commend your efforts to keep my penis away from her, your sister is now booty walking up my stairs. Good game though, good game.
Febreezed myself at a stop light on the way to the IRS office. Judgmental glare from some old lady in the car next to me, thumbs up from her husband.
Drunk life lesson just learned the hard way: do not try to play hump the great dane. He may take you up on it.
So I had sex in a bulldozer lastnight now that's definitely a first...
if anyone knows where my shirt is please let me know and if you know why I don't have my own shirt please also let me know. also do any of you know why I'm missing a bra wire?
You're officially the most high maintenance man I've ever had inside me.
Y'know i appreciate how accepting you are of me being a terrible person.
I'll keep supplying drugs if you teach me piano.
In this house, we have but one simple rule: DONT FUCKIN TOUCH MY STUFF OR I'LL CUT YOUR NECK IN UR SLEEP
The people above me are fucking to Miley Cyrus
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