Why would I want to inherit a sex machine used by my grandma?
So I was talking to her on the phone last night and had to mute it so I could take a crap.
Side Note: My mute button doesn't work.
Well, it's 24 hours till finals. I need high A's on all of them and I still am not sure where exactly on campus most of my classes took place.
Heated debate on which is worse. Pissing your pants or puking all over yourself
You were in the garage half naked counting your ribs and talking about how you had too many
so would me posting the photos of the cock and coin jar incident be completely out of the question?
I was informed last night that im not allowed to pick up the bouncers and carry them around anymore. Last sat is starting to make more sense
To drink from my fkask next to a cop car or to not drink from my flask next to a cop car
I'm a 23 year old adult who just ordered condoms online from Target because I'm still too embarrassed to buy them in the store.
Liar. My heart is broken and my boobs are disappointed.
The secret to finals week is to have an orgasm for every point you need on the test before you take it.
He walked in wearing nothing but a WWF belt and yelled "THE CHAMP... IS... HEEERE!!!"
He sent me a website link to GIF on Snapchat. I don’t think he understands how Social Media works.
just blew him in the library. I am a classy dame
hey i'm sure you are probably asleep bc you suck and think sleep is necessary to live or something?
Randomize
