We started making out, then he decided to get naked, put on a condom, and proceed to dry hump my leg, sweat pants and all, until he blew his load. I thought this was college. I immediatly left claiming I can't sleep in other people's rooms. He didn't even bother taking off my hoodie.
you read me verses from the beginners bible until my answering machine finally ran out of time and cut you off.
Telling me its the beginning of school is like telling me the crown royal fairy has come back from vacation.
Dude you should see the looks were getting for ordering a pitcher of beer with breakfast.
When we started taking double shots of vodka and chasing it with a lick of fruit roll-ups, I knew there'd be hell to pay in the morning.
She spilled some tequila on her hair somehow and I guess I felt bad for her, so I yelled "ROOMIES FOR LIFE" and dipped my hair in my tequila.
Did you really lure me out of the bar with a blond holding a dunkin donuts bag? Well played sir, well played.
Can I steal her, take her home, and feed her only vodka?
I threw up in the kitchen on the floor and a guy tried cleaning it up with a spoon at a party.
I'm not gay but if a lesbian wants to eat my box out I'm not gonna say no to someone who knows what they're doing.
Hey babe! Random question. Do you by chance have the pic of my nipples covered with ninja turtles band aids? Thanks.
Why would you trust me with ANYTHING!!!???
I threw up outside. Then I peed got off the toilet and threw up. While I threw up u pulled up my pants. Not my best moment
He's the one named Andrew. In his profile picture he is the one on the right in the monkey costume.
I'm pmsing pretty hard.. .just cried 3 times while eating a Hershey bar dipped in peanut butter
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