You gave him head? He fingered you? A little bit of make out?
WHAT THE FUCK ITS LIKE YOU WERE THERE
By the way, i got bored and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
God that barista is texting me bout his life like i care i mean dude just hook me up with free coffee thats why i gave you my number
I really wanna know when trying to grow up turned into try not to throw up.
Im calling him
was mistake calling. If you drunk dial someone you deserve to choke on a tubesock. Take the advice. Always remember
I legitimately forgot how to blow my nose just now. Sleep might be handy.
Sunday is the day of rest.
As in, whatever liquor is left after last night, you have to drink the rest.
Just like to put it out there it's surprising how little reception a dog cage has
I asked if he wanted to sext and he just started sending me pictures of his beard.
I GOT MY PERIOD THIS IS A GLORIOUS DAY I AM TOTALLY GOING TO MAKE PIES TO CELEBRATE THAT THERE ARE NO REPUBLICANS IN MY UTERUS!
The funny thing is, we kinda did bring guys home cause you had a fort...
The trash can in my living room is full of Popsicle sticks and my vibrator has taken up permanent residence on my coffee table. I'm not doing anything productive. Clearly.
If she "comes out" to me I guess I'll high five her. That's pretty much my response to everything these days.
You hit a new plane of existence as we all watched in awe
Cant get off the floor. Need more beer. Send help.
Randomize
