i distinctly remember leaping through the apartment to rescue the clam chowder burning in the kitchen
i don't care how ready and willing she is. she is where penises go to die
Go ahead. I tried to back up ur budhism story but she mite be catching on
Dammit. I hoped that would work. Just tell her I'm doing my pilgrmidge to Nepal or something.
Can you send me the video of that girl that got arrested last night? I'm gonna try and hit that and I need something to break the ice with.
as you might have guessed from my lack of texts, the herpes have calmed down.
Walked girl from last night to car as gf was driving up. Got slow clap from neighbors.
My only regret is that I have but one penis to give to your vagina.
Shit. I'm running the whole hotel right now. The front desk girl had to run home because she left her vibrator on the counter and her brother, mom, and grandmother surprised her and are showing up to her place before she gets off work. This will end badly no matter what.
Went into Walmart to get a pregnancy test. Came out with a beta fish and chocolate.
Right as the plane left the gate the brownies kicked in. I dont think the guy next to me appreciated my engine noises as we took off
The way I kissed her was actually pretty charming and then it devolved to car sex
I have fence marks all over my body
My dog just ran downstairs with my vibrator in her mouth... during my dad's birthday dinner.
I currently hiding in an upside down garbage can please come find me
No, this year you're all getting coupons for things like "no yelling because you had sex in my apartment" or "the last beer."
Randomize
