He looks like a mix between a retired piano teacher and a cat that just swallowed a sock.
i can't wait to kiss dudes with my vampire teeth in.
She is going down in cock block history. He went in to kiss me and she threw her hand between our faces and yelled "DENIED!"
the igloo is complete. bring your weed and the hat with the floppy ears
I'm drinking sangria out of a sand pail. I'll pass on tonight
There is a good chance that the other night after a wedding reception i was at that i mailed you a drink coaster.
I have fiberglass splinters all over my hands and woke up with a sign that says PUMPKINS in my room.
I JUST MACED MY OWN FACE
This is by far the best text I have ever woken up to.
She literally got down on all fours and I swear did a 360 degrees head rotation exorcist barf...and then moaned IT WAS THE TACO BEEEELLLLLL
so no, not her best night
Bad Decision October is in full swing. I was telling people that "I put on eye makeup today, I'm takin' a dude home with me!".
Is it malicious or apart of the healing process if I wipe my ass with his toothbrush?
my window is missing, there is half a pizza jammed into the disk slot of my PS3, and the entire kitchen floor is covered in cerial i cant see any wood floor. did we have fun?
Came so hard my ears popped. This lovely piece of news and pissin in my driveway brought to you by rum
Baked out of my mind. Went in the bathroom, a daddy long leg spider and a carpenter ant are battling it out on the floor. I brought my computer with some dubstep.
OMG THE ANT WON
He came into my room last night and started peeing underneath my desk, I told him the bathroom was the next door over.
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