you told me to make out with him to promote the social success of the sorority
how should i go about explaining the hickey i drunkenly gave myself last night?
I'm reciting my presentation (beer in hand) on the porch to a snowmen audience.
Someday. I cant very well invite myself to his dorm room. And I'm 28. The excuses to be drunk and running into him at uconn are rather slim. Although I'm working on it.
Was almost hungover and got scared, skipped hungover, back to hammered. Fuck real life
Welp just pooped in a garbage can. Guess I'm not better than you at life in any aspect.
Why are you there anyways?
Pickin up ball pit balls from craigslist
I just haymakered a dude with my face, can we talk about ME for a second and not the guy I fought?
I'm giving random strangers at the bar sips of my fishbowl, then telling them I have Ebola. It's a fun night.
Come to this bar
But I'm full of food.
MAKE ME FULL OF YOUR DICK
I can now say I know getting hit in the face with a flying tortilla is not fun
the bright side of moving is at least my Tinder options will refresh
However, you did manage to order seven different drinks while fingering her at the packed bar - it was like watching the pizza men pound the dough in the windows
Dude, my vagina feels like new again! I love antibiotics. How's your day?
You can call me ugly and you can call me fat,but don't you EVER say my meme game is weak.
Randomize
