Im watching hello kitty on qvc debating if its a good idea to cook bagel bites on my space heater
It smells like wine and fried chicken. Im confused and intrigued.
Joey just asked me if I ever got anything stuck in my vag.
was it embarrassing when you had to say yes?
finally cleaned my dorm for the first time all year. bleach is awesome.
this girl is like a spa retreat for my dick
Can't a girl send out a 4 pm booty call anymore
dude this night sums up my single life. naked, crying, and covered in honey. i need to get laid.
I want this pizza in and around my mouth forever..
My brother slept till 4, bought a sword, got drunk and sharpened said sword. I went to corporate compliance training. Life is not fair.
Probably for the best. My morning wood is pretty horrible. I wouldn't want to tip the earth's axis/ create a new magnetic pole
Morning! Im using your rent money to snort percocet.
What's the polite way to say "hey I don't actually want to fuck you, I just swiped right on you because you didn't like me in high school and I needed validation"
This is a test message to see whether or not the recipient is alive.
So learned a new trick last night.... Taking body shots from my own tits... Mom would be so proud
My vagina is the only part of me that is pleased you lived through last night.
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