I will be home in 10 min. Dont be beating off on the couch
enter at your own risk
TRUE LIFE: my roommate is growing a bush.
better yet, TRUE LIFE: my roommates boyfriend begged her to grow a bush.
Nah it's cool, I made him pinky promise me he wouldn't die if I left him passed out in the bathroom.
I need to stop smoking. I just talked to corn.
I said we should get a taxi and you were waving down cars, three of which were cops and one of them slowed down and shook his head then kept driving
He didn't think we needed a taxi
Well good for him for getting your number before he told you he had no money and needed you to pay for his drink!
Its not like i paid for sex. She was stuck there, we simply exchanged rides.
Multiple bruises and a hell of a headache later, I have still to find out where the fuck I picked up the bottom half of a mannequin.
the cashier ate half of our fries before she gave them to us so i think it's safe to say they don't do drug testing there
This is the fourth day in a row I've walked outside in the same pajamas. I think the neighbors have finally given up on judging me.
He let me keep my Michael Jordan Bulls jersey on during sex.
Just fat and dog and sweat all over the bed. All night long.
How drunk do you guys plan on getting?
We wrote our addresses on our arms for the cab driver, what do you think?
You shouted, "LOOK I'M HAWKEYE," and beaned mike with a dildo from across the room.
I just split a tacobell party box with my boss. 12 tacos. We were equals for a moment.
Randomize
