Well all I remember is going to sleep being big spoon to you and waking up being little spoon to *****
dear santa what can i do with your candy cane?
our drinking schedule never changed, we just drank at work.
I'm beginning to feel kind of at home at Police stations
if you hear someone banging on your door early in the morning, it's me with some breakfast burritos, so don't be alarmed
Apparently I also called my credit card company to demand a credit limit increase. I'm so content with not drinking another 60 days
But it's not about our feelings, it's about making the men we sleep with feel awful about their lives
the number of desperate girls at the gym right now is unfair. it would be cruel not to let one blow me.
I'm drunk at a gay bar with my riding crop. God save the queens
I'm hiding in a cabinet. I'm going to stay here.
Can we discuss your tits for a sec? That melon patch sprung up over night
Are there edibles for sale in the Denver airport because if so bring those to my mouth
I nicknamed her "Jackhammer" for the way she gave me a handjob. My balls were in constant pain
My sex life is driven by spite and alcohol
Today we memorialize my orgasms. Taken from me over six months ago, gone too soon. Here's to hoping we'll see one again
Randomize
