Nice 2 c u showing ur bro some affection
I am so fucking pissed, there are no Shamwows in the As Seen on TV Store.
Looks like you'll have to stick to jizzing in socks.
I'm gonna keep this simple. I threw up in your pillow case. Sorry.
Housekeeping called in a homicide detective. Just spent an hour explaining that we had vigorous hotel vacation sex five times, even though I was having a heavy flow day. It'll definitely be what you call a memorable honeymoon.
All I know is that we apparently made a drink we named The Single Girl which is rum, vodka, grain alcohol, and sprite and rolled around in the backyard.
she could've warned me his penis was curved
ya i dont think she expected you to get with her boyfriend.
I think not having bongs in close range is good for my academia
just had sex on top of a camper looking at the stars, BEAT THAT.
The claw marks on my back are healing nicely. Just thought you should know.
My bad. Next time I'll wear mittens.
He sent me a poorly photoshopped picture of his shaved dick wearing a Hot Dog on A Stick titled "Shorndog"...
If you put those two in a room together it'd be like a Taylor Swift fantasy and an Adele nightmare just licking faces
Okay so I'm high eating chili cheese fries bra-less watching Mulan, could I be doing any better at life right now?
Nothing says "I'm sorry for shitting in your bed" like an Olive Garden gift card
its weird getting into a political debate with a pony dressed as an anime character online
PSA. Do not shart while wearing a jock strap at work. That is all.
Randomize
