Ninja stars and alcohol are a bad combo
Going to bed naked. Too bad I am all alone. Need to make some changes. Either sleep with clothes or with you
I am too pretty for them to be this angry at me.
i just saw a woman using her birth control packet as a wallet.
is there anything more depressing than unpacking condoms from your suitcase that you thought you were going to use on vacation?
All I could understand from his text was "hatchet" "soccer" & "bitch". its safe to say andy has had enough to drink & will be violent soon
i had to sit with a fan pointed directly to my vag for a good 10 minutes
i can't believe you just compared my dick to leprosy
He is crying over the toilet and his friends just came in and tried to make him take another jello shot.
Im just using you for your dick and your superb survival skills if needed.
Well I never thought in the future I'd be able to say "hey remember that Easter I made porn?"
Wake up. Finish House of Cards. Put on pants.
Accurate.
What's the point of bringing a Jack and Coke to work if my boss is just gonna piss and moan about me day drinking again?
It was somewhere in between an airport security patdown and a medical examination. No groping or squeezing, just brief pokes and pats.
I used to shoot steroids in my ass but for a totally different reason
Randomize
