have you ever been in a public bathroom and someone walked in, and you played "Fat or Crying" based on her breathing?
What do you do when the person in the stall next to you says they're jealous?
My fight-or-flight response is really more fight-or-fuck
I had a dream that I got a gift certificate to a lavish spa from my father. I think dream dad, along with real dad, think I'm gay.
She said she didn't want me watching her give me a bj, so she proceeded to make a "blowjob igloo" out of blankets...
They better compete for your attention. Dual to the fuck
Moment of the day: as we leave the restaurant, she reaches into my pocket, pulls out her panties, and angrily marches to her car. I felt like a sketchy magician.
When someone comes out of your vagina and stomps on your dreams, you'll understand.
That was the #1 scariest moment in my life. I have full trust in you, I let you bite my penis for god sake.
Was I asleep on the ride home?
Yea, then when I tried to hold your head up on a turn, you round house punched me in the face.
I need two food groups: booze and turkey sandwiches
cake and sex. what better combination is there.
i have two papers due tomorrow. contemplating if i should take adderall in my anus for full effects
You tried to chase every shot with a blueberry.
What do you mean you haven’t had the fantasy of getting anally penetrated by a tentacle monster?
Randomize
