She is in my trunk
I just spilled my beer all over my laptop.. this is what i get for actually trying to do homework
you were almost asleep and mumbling "your penis is on my cheek"
Thanks for not cleaning the drain like you were supposed to. I just vomited in the shower and I had to stand in it until I was done conditioning.
Dude my triple a card is good for bail. This is like a real live get out of jail free card
I literally paid him in shots to clean my entire apartment. he even vacuumed...who said alcoholism is a bad thing??
We fucked in my trunk while on the clock....what did you do at work today?
Excuse me while I download incredibly disturbing porn until I'm more ashamed of myself than of my country.
i wore just an American flag as my costume-huge success. 20 people pledged allegiance to my ass including a senior frat boy at the keg. God bless America.
A special kind of bond is formed between two people when they act as a pee shield for one another for drunken pisses in an alleyway
Is there a polite/non-lush way to ask how alcohol ranks on their list of priorities? Because like idk how to break the ice furreal.
You're seeing with your vagina, not your eyes.
Are you sexting with minion stickers right now?
Just realized that my booty calls are vastly ranging in penis sizes.
You stocked up?
No actually didn’t get a chance. If you wouldn’t mind bringing me a brownie and a bottle of Jameson that’d be nice
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