your dick doesn't do me any good in arizona
Sorry about last night..I didnt realize how drunk you were and when I closed the door it caused you to slam into the mirror...you'll probably piece together the puzzle when you read this and see your hand.
Nothing says I have a hang over like telling your boss to "eat your shit"
i just dedicated my kegstand to your breasts
Sunscreen. In my vag. I hate summer sex.
Dude, you chugged an entire bottle of tomato sauce and got us free drinks for the night. No way was I gonna stop you.
Sorry my hands just texted you
She looks like she smells of sausage, sunblock and sorrow.
Lost my virginity dressed as catwoman. He was dressed as batman. Glad I waited.
We bought only tequila and Twister. And you're STILL surprised you got pregnant?
Did we do anything stupid last night besides hook up with our ex girlfriends?
We are so drunk half our team had to bowl with a chaperone. We won every game. We drink
Got so drunk last night I kinda sent a super on point sext to his kid sister...say a prayer man
BOOOOOOOOOOOO *takes away your hoe card*
The drag queen you used to date and the girl you brought over last night are discussing your sex noises in my living room. I'm changing my locks.
Randomize
