You're a womanizer and a bitch.
I've developed breathing exercises to keep myself from puking..
Hey, did you take me to hospital last night?
Bought two parrots for us. I'm keeping them at the Bellagio.
Getting arrested together sounded so much more fun in theory.
You know its good night when theres makeup smears on the toilet seat
When I blacked in, I was crying to my father at the swim-up bar that "I was going to win an Oscar." how do you THINK Mexico was?
i should probably stop thinking with my vagina, and start using that $70, 000 education i can't afford. what the fuck.
Cut a hole in the crotch of my onesie so we could have sex without me getting cold. Best decision of my life.
I like how my motivation to lose weight is so I can wear a nude bikini and get covered in body paint for the tribal party. Priorities.
She loves introducing her friends to my foreskin.
I may have had sex with him and told him we wasn't worth my time then went home and made mashed potatoes
I started keeping track of my period when I realized you had a better grasp of it than me.
Pray for me.. I'm like the lonely vagina in a sea of sworming dicks
I smell Vodka. It's me. If anyone asks it's totally hand sanitizer.
Randomize
