it was my 21st birthday. took an old mans walker so i could stay till last call. reasonable right?
not much sitting here stoned eating my little sisters halloween candy and judging each individual hersheys candy bar and after much deliberation by the selection committee the original hersheys chocolate bar won
Agreed. That's like a marriage. For better or worse, till death do us part. I will hold your head over a toilet
it looks like my getting laid tonight is going to depend on my knowledge of native birds. this is a weird party
Hardest I think I've ever had to work for a shack. Whatevs. Still gonna get my way though. I'll start respecting myself on Monday
It really does creep me out though that the next ten years will involve my friends creating smaller versions of themselves because to be honest I don't know how much I like some of them. So that thought it really scary
Dude if i sent you a picture of the inside of my fridge would you be able to break down and explain everything that was in it?
This is my gift to your gina
I had 2 shots but she spilt one on me. Kinda mad but kinda grateful
You were holding onto her boobs like you were adrift at sea and they were the only flotation devices
For full disclosure: I told my roommates last night that you have a very clean asshole.
In this house, we have but one simple rule: DONT FUCKIN TOUCH MY STUFF OR I'LL CUT YOUR NECK IN UR SLEEP
I promised to leave my panties on but I didn't promise to not have sex
It's all fun and games until your mom recognizes your bootycall from 2018 as her attorney
The smell of pee and coconut conditioner still makes me think of him
Randomize
