I think i ate a live goldfish last night. that i caught with my hand in a kiddie pool. my stomach really hurts.
It's sad really how 5 am brings with it a distinction from drunken to pathetic.
She was the most uninteresting drunk I've met
obviously he has no clue about college dating. it goes drunken sex then the 1st date
we are currently watching a singalong porn...just thought you should know
My nephew just told me I smell like apathy and regret. Thats the hangover I'm dealing with
I would have screamed and cried and bled and shit and then died. Fuck that guy.
Doors open. I'm laying in bed watching caddy shack and drinking a vodka tonic.
And I'm out of vodka so bring vodka or 2013 will blow ass
Going through my bras is like traveling back in time through my past hookups and relationships....
Went to work in the same clothes from last night, completely covered in glitter...I didn't choose the hag life, the hag life chose me
Yes, let me tell you about the time I was forcibly locked in a bathroom when my ex-girlfriend was having a bad shroom trip.
You was so high that you insisted that you heard someone whistle, then you insisted they was trapped in the wall!
I chose not to drink last night but drinking chose me
New rule: if someone asks if you would like to snort a xanax the answer is no.
No he doesn’t answer my texts except for like on New Year’s Because like I was fucked up on New Year’s and he said happy new year and I told him the same and I called him dragonslayer and you can’t really recover from that
Randomize
