Do you ever think God made girls unattractive around their periods as a warning?
i just won an entire level on word mole with the word 'clitoris'
dude stop sending me pictures of your dick in weird places. i get it. you rock out with your cock out.
Of course he got arrested. He was wearing a toga. Even Tom Hanks couldn't act sober in a toga.
i think that after ALREADY drinking that much, the tube shots may have been a bad idea.. i mean afterall, i did wake up and find my cell phone IN the bonfire the next morning.
Your last day of twenties? OK. Then I'll give you til midnight. Then you turn into a pumpkin. A big, 30 year old pumpkin.
He left his shoes, boxers and socks at my house & managed to walk home to his dorm without realizing anything was missing until 3 days after. That's the last time i'll ever hook up with a freshman.
we should look into getting a golf cart for the weekend. i have a feeling legs wont be a sufficient source of transportation.
I thought he was having it in Athens. Alright. Have fun. Please save my dignity and refrain from talking about my boobs and sexual "abilities". If I have any. I just feel like they are going to ask. Repeat after me. And repeat it 5 more times. This is going to be the phrase you're going to rely on tonight: "I can neither deny or confirm such actions."
went out last night. woke up with a lisp.
When she said "Tighten your safety belt and hold on!", that should have been a clear sign to me that one should never go off-roading in a rental car. On the bright side, they were able to tow her car out the next morning.
I told the cops they couldn't arrest me until they found my shoe. Now I have the grant county cops looking for my heels by the rail road tracks.
It’s like I’m living in some alternate wet dream universe right now
I wasn't that drunk.
You were calling my cat 'Simba' and holding him up in the air.
I was left to my own devices with nothing to do but drink
Randomize
