But guess what. I'm gonna roll over and go to sleep cuz there's no cuddling in phone sex.
i was the DD for the swedish students tonight. Got paid 23 dollars for driving 10 miles. gotta love ignorance and the confusion conversion brings.
At the time, making out with dudes for keg money seemed like a genius idea. Now I realize it was borderline prostitution.
We found you on the floor drooling you kept saying over and over how you were double jointed.
Having my alarm go off at 3:30 makes me wanna rip my dick off and shove it through my eye socket
whatever the appropriate amount of shots is to consider drunken acrobatics a good idea was a few less than I actually had
Why is there a cash register on top of my car?
I'm drunk and I have your birth certificate
lesson learned. Never drop acid before a trip to the aquarium. Sounds awesome, is actually terrifying.
I will never look at a penis the same again. After that I will appreciate them so much more than I do. Makes me wanna kiss yours just for being pretty
The amount of times I have been emergency drunk in the past 72 hours is staggering
After we'd both come, we started writing a book about dragons. Woke up this morning to a full English breakfast. Can't thank you enough for introducing us
Fuck you. All I remember from last night is telling random people that I'm in a "judgement free zone" then I threw up
She's not allowed to do acid anymore... she started crying because she thought she was an eagle.
Lately I've been very attracted to Kevin Jonas because he's like...less hot than Joe, but he's this healthy mix of both Joe and Nick. It looks like he's finally growing into himself.
Randomize
