I don't want to talk about it. He was like the Little Engine that couldn't get me off.
This is the LAST time i'm accepting the excuse "tequila made me do it". Even tequila thinks buying all of nickelback's itunes singles is fucking retarded
i just kept saying he was red & i was blue and we couldnt become purple. I started crying at one point
Someone just asked if you were the one who rode around the bar on some girls back
At least drunk me was smart enough to stash toilet paper in my bag before I started my walk home. Finally countless squat pees and wiping with grass taught me to be prepared.
I'm making him come over again tonight. I don't know how long this thing will last so I want to spend as much time with his dick as possible.
you know it's a good party when the fucking floor caves in. THE FUCKING FLOOR.
Chipotle just hit me... I want to go sit in the corner of the shower and cry until morning.
Just so you know, your wedding is in the same place I gave my first bj.
Somehow I've got the party rigged to where I get a foot massage every time someone wants a beer out of the fridge. Hellz yeah
Uhh dog found a condom. FYI its on the table by couch please dispose of it. No reply Necessary
Would it be wildly inappropriate for me to tailgate a Jonas brothers concert?
There is a reason my most meaningful relationship since 2012 has been with Duracel...
I know where his drugs are but not my pants
He slept outside in his hammock, and then took a lawn chair with him in the shower because he was too drunk to stand up.
Randomize
