Gettin pulled over, can you watch my dog and pay the bils for a while?
you walked into the kitchen holding the skyy bottle and asked us "how do i warm this?"
I just found ouut you can get a DUI in a kayak. Fuck.
Wow. He pulled out his dick and I swear I heard a thud from it hitting the floor.
this just proves how much faith i have in "us".. what should we be for halloween..?
Ya well here is the deal with last night, it was the Biggest shit show we have ever co-stared in.
Smoked all day yesterday and even more today. Just survived high dinner with mom and sister. Thought I might eat the whole table
I feel a little uneasy about having my grandma sleep in my bed that I've banged chicks in not too long ago... Fuckin blizzards
ARE YOU OKAY?
Physically? Yes. Morally? No.
Random boy motorboated me, handed me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, winked and walked out with some other girl
Find him and marry him.
Now i know i wasnt that drunk... So why are there texts of me volunteering for a nude photo shoot for an art major student?
Just learned that the cute guy I've been flirting with at the beach this whole time is actually an inmate working in the community instead of being in prison.. My life is unreal
I just walked in on her masturbating to a social anxiety video...
Was it a bad idea to have spent all of my tax return on coke?
I guess I called her at 2am, demanding that she bring us food. She told us to order pizza, and I yelled "DON'T MENTION PIZZA!" I recall nothing.
Randomize
