my dad told me i had to spend my money wisely..so i spent the money he gave me for a desk chair on weed. ill be so high i wont even notice its gone
Have you ever seen a midget fist pump? BEST. THING. EVERRRRR.
On my way home from Vegas. Just realized my pants are inside out
i just realized i put more money and effort into 420 then i did for christmas
I looked her in the eye and told her I was 'balls deep' in love with her...She said that wasn't saying much. Time to drink away the sadness...
And I'm not sure if that's how you pluralize penis. Never planned on needing to know that in my life.
I just had a contest with the toilet to see who could hold their breath longest.
I won
he sent me a pic of his dick and balls out with sunglasses over them like a face. i was at dinner.
do you still have it? i kinda want to see.
If he's the sort of guy that will fuck in a public restroom, he's the sort of guy that will cheat on his gf. I'm goin for it.
I just held a marble with my kegel muscles for 5 min. You may call me COCKCLAMP 9000!!!!
If we don't rescue him from the fat chick soon, she is going to eat him alive and suck the marrow from his bones.
Steve brought 6 joints and 2 bottles of makers mark, Josh shat himself in the pool, and Amy blew me. Hope that extra 3 dollars an hour for working overnights is still worth it.
I never thought people would keep their guns next to their fake plastic penises, but there they were.
Woke up with chlamydia and a bruised rib. I'd say my boss is gonna be mad about me not showing up to work, except you know.. it's her fault.
Tbh I’m not a vibrator enthusiast
But I am godly
Randomize
