hey is it cool if i invite some fat girls to the party so i can be the skinny one?
yeah okay. but if i take one home with me you have to come over in the morning and tell her to get her shit and go.
onenightstand. Woke up and saw my nuva ring on the floor. apparently he thought it was a glow stick. pick me up please?
he didnt ask why there was a glowstick shoved up your vag?
yeah after seeing those pics of her puking into my underwear drawer i remembered again why i didn't want to invite her.
you didn't check your sock drawer yet did you
You got ahold of his prescription papers and gave out prescriptions for cranberry and vodka
His threats seemed pretty legit for a 6 year old
...and the foreplay consisted of me threatening to cut off his hand if he didn't remove it from my back.
Because you know it would be fucking amazing to get trashed and shatter the dreams of 12 year old girls. I might get a shirt.
Sorry about the voicemail last night, people in hostel thought getting the clap from cheating on me wasn't enough and you hearing a 6 foot 5 Swedish dude bang the shit out of me was needed.
Just be aware that next year I will probably try to seduce you to avoid going to the gym
Correct me if I'm wrong, but did you let me pee in the grass while barking? And also, how many of you have videos?
Drunk and alone at a magic show is what my life has become without you
I told my boyfriend that the thing I missed most about him was scratching his balls for him.
I tried to flirt with him by saying "catholics are cool" and he handed me a cup of water so i called him jesus and thanked him for the wine
Tell him to put up or shut up. Can't be dangling dick in front of ho's without delivering.
It's just disrespectful
Apparently I called down to the hotel front desk and begged them to bring us pizza. They brought us tea.
Randomize
