oddly enough my penis is pretty tan. the part of my body that gets the least amount of sunlight is tanner than most of the rest of my body.
I think its part of male evolution. Pretty soon they'll have diamonds on them and taste like chocolate.
why is there a picture of someone wearing Tevas with socks taped on the wall?
The straight man in me wants to hit on her. But the gay man in me wants to compliment her on her awesome outfit.
I take that as "no I'm not driving you to the bar in a blizzard"
I woke up this morning next to a stack of saltines & a txt from u saying "do it." it took me a second to remember wat was going on
We shall study the pictures later and see if his penis is worth my time.
Hate sex is good. Drunk sex is better. Combine those two however and you get the best experience of your LIFE.
"The cab driver felt bad for us so he stopped to buy us chocolates. That counts as a valentine!"
He asked me if I wanted to blow his whistle and proceeded to pull out an actual whistle.
We can get drunk and battle coyotes
As if I didn't already know that I was in the friend zone, our conversation that included the words "kiddo" and "old friend" really was a knee biter.
Also. I think I just got sentimental over a nude
He said his name was Tony, after last night I will refer to him as Tiny
I just realized my hands still smell like your cock. Which is awesome, but I wonder if the clerk at the store appreciated it.
I feel bad. I'm the reason hand sanitizer exists.
My liver is screaming fuck you right now.
Randomize
