Whats up?
Drunk as a mother trucker with panties on her thumbnail..laying thee down
Stay up. I'm coming home in a little
Ill try..hurry!!!! Thine hour awaits you
I would go down on you faster than GM stock
so i woke up in some guy's bed but then i realized i can atone for this tomorrow
my dad brought home flowers.. so i started talking to them
He was in me and said I can't believe this happened because of facebook. MOOD KILLER.
Oh my gosh they are following me around the bar
Blow your rape whistle
The Russian stripper asked if I like foreign girls. I told her I absolutely fucking hate accents. Most awkward 7 minutes ever
I feel like this has turned into my work. But if I get paid sitting under a desk, that's perfectly fine with me.
You told her that she shouldn't be allowed to wear clothes then when her roommate asked if you like her you said "no I just want to insert things into her"
I stand by it.
The fact that you think I have a life is so flattering to me.
Going back to the ever classy sneak out to the fridge and swig liquor from the bottle method. That it is legal for me to drink here makes the fact that I have to do this all the more depressing.
Nothing says happy valentines day like waking up to a naked man you hooked up with taking a walk of shame
I never thought in a million years that I would have a threesome with my boss and his wife and yet here we are.
Every time we have sex, I feel his dick ramming my soul into submission. Problem is..... I LIKE THAT SHIT!
Does your drug dealer have a printer I can use??
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