I just used my 2 drink stirrers as chopsticks to get a lime out of my drink. I really am Asian.
Just because i have a masturbation problem doesnt mean you can put 20 photos of Jesus in my room.
I either just got free sex or a nice jail sentence. Text me in 10 to verify.
Every time I think about it I can feel His toe in my mouth and I gag, I'm scarred for life.
Would it be a good deed to leave a 32 pack of bud light next to a bum sleeping in the park?
He better not be in your backpack
Dude if you're not gonna answer them I'm gonna stop snapchatting you my hook ups
by the way whatever wisdom you imparted upon me last night was lost to whatever i smoked out of a beer can.
It wasn't a mystery that it was the pizza cooking in the oven when we stumbled out of the bedroom in a smoke filled apartment at 2am. We are dangerous drunks
Never thought having a box of Cheerios could get me laid. My new lucky charm hello girl in 2B
We were having a serious discussion about Blue's Clues and I just kept thinking, 'you've seen me naked'.
I'm 10 cats away from completing my post divorce transformation.
I know it's wrong but I'm human. Now get over here, tie me up, feed me pizza and Fuck the crazy out of me. Please.
I made a separate snapchat account so I could swap nudes with a guy from omegle.
Why do all of your bad decisions sound like fucked up mad libs?
dude wtf why are there forks in my wall
does "I AM MAGNETOOOO" ring any bells, because that was you for an entire hour last night
Randomize