Dude that chick had her name tattooed in Japanese characters between her b-cups. I kept calling her Toyota.
So the dentist told me I couldn't suck on anything. She emphasized ANYthing.
How long can I microwave pasta with a 20 percent alcohol content?
My broken door handle makes it really inconvient for when i need to puke at red lights.
I want an alcoholic time machine so we could skip to new years eve
We don't need a hotel, we'll just sleep in the post office.
Chelsea passed out in the kiddie pool. Just added around 28 boxes of jello powder. Will let you know how it works out
Either way, we will celebrate half Christmas the only way we can. Completely and irresponsibly wasted.
This is how my night is going so far. The bartender bought our last two rounds and I'm chasing a bee around the bar with a foam bat.
WHEN DO I FOLLOW THESE PEOPLE. I WOKE UP THIS MORNING &FOUND TWEETS FROM ILLUMINATI AND "hot shot 6th grader"
My housemates are judging me because I'm high at 8am and making Spongebob shaped Mac and Cheese
They know nothing, John Stoned.
Sending a pic of labia to send to the TN Legislator. Obviously they don't think I know what to do with it so I'm gonna ask them for advice.
Spent tonight painting strippers in camo.
God does not give you boobs that amazing to not share them with your friends
Wait... where the hell did you even find a live OCTOPUS, let alone green eggs and ham?
Randomize
