I just spent the last 30 minutes shaving my asshole.
Well I don't think you could recreate that hangover if you tried. It was like the perfect storm of hangovers.
haha you were so trashed that you deleted all of your christian music from itunes and kept saying"c-ya God, nice knowin ya"
I stole an ensure out of their fridge and started chugging it. That was when Maria made me leave.
Chasing shots with sriracha-covered mini toast was, in retrospect, not the best idea.
YOU COME FROM SAD WHALE FAMILY, DEEP IN OCEAN!
I GOT MY PERIOD THIS IS A GLORIOUS DAY I AM TOTALLY GOING TO MAKE PIES TO CELEBRATE THAT THERE ARE NO REPUBLICANS IN MY UTERUS!
I am in the bathroom at work, pooing while eating pretzels. Hungover Fridays are in full effect
My alarm went off and I went straight for your dick. That's dedication.
She has this wild look other eyes like she wouldn't be afraid to commit a felony.
My bar tender texts me around 5ish and ask what I feel like, so it's ready for me when I get home. All star service.
Dude. You are the LAST person that should live above a bar.
We celebrated our relationship by shotgunning beers on his lawn in our underwear. I may have to marry this man...
Probably yeah. I mean maybe one day we can be those friends that hang out naked. Not awkard at all.
No i dont need a babysitter i have my cats. Cats can dial 911 ya know
You think my vibrator will be okay in the dishwasher?
Randomize
