Just wondering why in an apartment full of stoners there is half a waffle in the TRASH CAN. get ur shit together man
LA Sucks. The only way i can get laid is if i tell people im at a law firm that represent film producers.
And when they figure it out, they act like IM shallow.
I just found out my mom named me after her fake ID from college...
He threw me out a window and then threw raw ground beef at us. Normally you'd hate someone for that, but that guy's great.
You slammed your forties down on the table and yelled "I AM EDWARD FORTYHANDS" then mumbled something about repping Idaho like a champ and laid down on the couch.
I fucked a guy that's in Sports illustrated. I'm officially ready for college.
I HAVE A GENTLEMANLY VAGINA.
Apparently drinking in your car before going into a sales meeting is frowned upon. We are car sales men not doctors.
The bald guy bought me a shot so I chugged it and then walked out to the middle of the dance floor and told an old woman that might be your moms twin to bend it over...We didn't end on a good note though. Dude she stepped on my vans.
Somehow I became in charge of getting my mother laid? This can't be my life? Lol
He came and farted at the same time. My life is over.
THERES A BEAVER CHASING ME, ANGRY BEAVERS IS FUCKING REAL DUDE
I might be drinking a 4-day old opened beer on a Wednesday. You're in no position to judge me.
It would have only made it one day at my place.
Its like the floor is slow but life is fast?
I see you found the nyquil...
I’m sorry my lady boner messed up your mojo!!
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