I've rolled joints bigger than that penis.
Dude, I don't care how big her tits are. I have to dump her. She shit in my shower.
I just found out I was conceived in a rehab facility... that's better than finding out your dad could be someone else right?
You know, last years football game was epic, but seeing the same girl that gave you a bj in the parking lot, in the same parking spot...that's fate.
Thanks i'm proud of you and I'm proud of beer and vodka for making me drunk
It's like a bag of dicks covered in taint sweat pounding a pregnant baby walrus.
if you didn' use the plastic sword on the cop. maybe this wouldn't have happened.
Because it was 5am and I had a shitty mixed drink and I was threatening to put my balls in your face.
Not the worst first impression I've experienced.
Also the fuck cup must be buried with me
His 12 year old sister has bigger boobs than me and now that's all I can think about when we have sex
He really only has clothes, like 4 boogie boards, and a bong here.
Sara can't come to the phone right now. She's currently having an in-depth conversation with a flower pot.
I told him to take the baby so I could work out. My workout consisted of getting high and masturbating
Remember how I have such good luck that it's almost bullshit?
I'm afraid to ask, but go on.
So I'm buying milk, bread, yogurt & lube. Not awkward at all
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