Reflecting on last night, I'm not sure if making out with a 43 y/o married woman at Bernie's after the Cubs game was my best life decision...
I know you are passed out now but when you wake up in the morning your keys are in the freezer and your probly gunna want to apologize to your gf...
so my car got towed last night. I didnt know it cost 118 dollars to have a college experience
dude, i have to cancel tonight, my neighbor just bought a goat
i don't know where i am. i made bad decisions. i think this guy is dead.
we were walking and you spelled the word "oats" to prove you weren't drunk.
Just walked out of 7 11 still in uniform when 4 girls in bikinis in a convertable screamed "we fuck firefighters!"
Career choice validated
At this point if I didn't go to work hungover I think the whole place would think something is wrong
Dude. The only thing that I use less than my dick is my tennis racket. We need to play.
Also what is the name of Americas thing where we had a holy obligation to expand westward? I'm going name my new lighter that.
Your headphones are on the door knob and I left you a burger on the door step.
Dude, chad is laying across the room, violently, passionately, pornographicly eating something and I seriously think the 'some thing' is fighting back.
This country song on the radio just had a rap break. What. No. Why.
Next year, please remind me not to be at a damn Super Bowl party with screaming children whose parents can't control them. I will sell the little suckers to the fucking circus passing through town.
It's been three years since Kelly shit in the to go box that we put in Sam's mailbox after we broke up. Considering Sam and I are friends again, should I finally tell him?
Randomize