I googled "I hate my uterus" just to make sure I wasn't the only one.
If you're going to watch porn, can you atleast be considerate and watch it on my old laptop and not the new one?
My family is watching Intervention and taking notes. I need to leave NOW!
Grown men dancing to Spice Girls and a girl wearing one shoe. I belong here
I'm finding that as the end of the quarter approaches, the list of things I refuse to do sober keeps getting longer.
I really think that guy just walks around with tennis balls in his pocket. No dick is that big
no, she just came home, mumbled about being a gerbil out of water then ate half cooked chicken nuggets.. normal night
Just jerked off with bubble wrap. Not as awesome as it sounds.
I'm just trying my hardest not to get addicted to drugs or pregnant and all your other friends are out there getting married
SOS YOU NEED TO TAKE THE CANDY PANTIES OUT OF THE GLOVE COMPARTMENT BEFORE MOM TAKES MY CAR
I told my therapist about the other night and he actually whistled and said "wow that is not good."
Trying to figure out why my back is hurting. And then I remember I got fucked up against a tree last night
At one point my little brother was Rocky Balboa'd by a stripper's tit
The Adderall says yes, but my body says no.
I didn’t want a minivan, but I have to admit it’s made it a lot easier to hook up with the dilfs at soccer tournaments
Randomize
