They need a stunt cock, be about 20 more minutes.
he made a joke about you fucking his daughter...i think youre golden
He is making me drink his THC water out of a milk jug.
I'd rather just be alone, than deal with this bullshit. I just want to be alone. Cats and vibrators never let you down.
No no don't get confused. We do chemistry homework on Thursdays. We screw on Fridays. Other than that, Words With Friends is our only communication five days a week. We are NOT dating.
He called me on my way to the bathroom and told me he wanted to hear me pee my beers out... That. Drunk.
sitting alone on a bench with a sombrero and a bottle of vodka. really angry i got here before you guys.
You went streaking and came back with your shirt inside out. Then said "it happens in the line of duty" and passed out.
Using the balance in my bank account I just calculated how many fifths of vodka I can buy this year. Don't let me buy food, all my money is reserved for alcohol
I just closed two deals on my laptop from my bathroom while smoking a bowl, like a bawssss. Working from home is my favorite.
I can't wait til me and pit bull can just be together
at first i said "no rollerblading if I'm going to be drunk," but we all know how that went
He let me eat chexmix while we fucked... I think I love him.
I am become drunk, destroyer of all worlds
Turns out my GF and my FWB have a mutual friend. Yada yada yada, I need to crash on your couch
Randomize
