I really like you and I'm tired of just hooking up. I want you be my boyfriend.
Uhh, I'm not breaking up with my girlfriend to be with you.
there is a homeless man oan crack poledancing on a fence... now hes humping it...
I found a vibrator in my car and it's not mine...this is becoming a weird day.
I have only been in this city 3 nights and there are already 4 bars I can never go back to again.
He's prob getting laid right now and I'm sitting alone in my duct tape shoes.
She uses my penis to point at the tv when we talk about the shows. I love her
Also, the wait staff kept prematurely clearing my Manhattans. Not sure if it was an oversight or a hint.
Is it bad to get into the ocean at night? i always thought sharks hated the smell of vomit after drinking
Just got home and found him passed out with his ass stuck in a Rubbermaid garbage can. He must have been like that for a few hours
Best part of having a window in your office is that you can leave through it when you shit your pants at work.
He autographed my vag. This fuck just got authentic.
does doing it on an automatic sink count as shower sex?
Wait... All I had to do was ask for a sandwich and you would have come over
Blacked in cold and wet, with them areound me singing Aaaaall we are saaaaayiiiing is YOU PEED YOUR PANTS
You just had sex during the movie Radio. This is an all time low
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