Does boxed wine and camel crushes signify a college date? Lets hope so
hes a soccer player too.. you'd think he has better penis eye coordination
Last night I went to an anything but cups party. I took a hummingbird feeder. It was a terrible decision.
I just realized last night I drunk-bought a flight to Florida for this weekend...kinda torn between the price and the potential of awesomeness
I no longer question where these bruises come from... between the strip pole in the living room, the slipnslide in the hallway and our constant level of intoxication I will always be bruised...
No you can't have a vodka redbull. The pilgrims didn't have vodka redbull.
After last night, I've decided I will now bang only men who professionally ride things for a living. I will accept jockeys, cowboys, bullriders, and pro bicyclists who lie and say they're bullriders.
I think she finds the idea of a naked fat man lying on the table and holding our butter offensive
Well I mean he is in a slightly seductive pose
N.C. cops just used a megaphone to tell me I have a slutty outfit. My life is complete.
I'm watching my cat lick a used condom wrapper on my nightstand and I'm too hungover to move and do anything about it. Tequila Tuesdays can not be a thing.
Dollar Store pregnancy tests. For when you sorta wanta know.
They have marijuana tests too!
It's okay I didn't send any nudes tonight so we are safe *inserts photo of a baseball umpire doing the safe signal*
Just want the two of you to know, I went to a golf tournament today. Respectable, expensive… Flipped the golf cart. Seriously, I'm 40. What the fuck?
Is it normal, that tacos make me horny?
i just cleaned my bong... I do not feel healthy
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