Tell your broad to take a big shot of 'chill the fuck out' and put it on my tab.
We couldn't even have sex we were both laughing so hard. I don't know how I feel about the quality of that weed.
he said it was like fucking a big sack of slut potatoes
Because its an amazing idea and you're the only one I can think of that will allow a pirate threesome
She was sitting there stuffing her face rubbing my back with a dorito cheese filled hand while eating something else with the other hand as I was crying.
we agreed that it was acceptable to get the cat high as long as we gave her a lot of food.
Also, did that cop draw hearts on everyone's hands last night?
I think I just agreed to be an escort for an Asian guy who's gonna be in the city next weekend before he moves back to Shanghai...
I remember just enough about last night to wish I didn't remember anything.
Wearing scrubs to buy plan b so I look like I have my life together.
I told him not to mix beer with his Dr. Pepper...his reply was "i'm a grown ass man i'll do what i want". Judging by the sounds coming out of the bathroom he regrets not listening to me.
Spent 20mins wondering why my roommate wouldn't answer after we were pounding on the door.....Def went to the wrong building.
"Like what guy would respond to 'let's fuck. I've got bagels'??"
At first it will make you think "how is this physically possible?" and then it will ruin an entire food group for you.
I think I just saw my socks in the parking lot.. gonna keep walking
Randomize
