He just screamed at her, "if you pass out i am still having sex with you!!!" In front of the entire party.
He is drunkenly eating my teddy grahms and making little growling noises as he bites the head off of each one.
Thats how high i was. The fact that he looked like Seth Rogan was apparently a good thing.
Did your dad mention the fact that you asked him for viagra at 2 in the morning?
If the blowjob was before the wedding, we're not technically related, right?
and i fell asleep on top of a grilled cheese sandwich. not the best decision. but not the worst.
Your last day of twenties? OK. Then I'll give you til midnight. Then you turn into a pumpkin. A big, 30 year old pumpkin.
He was having a "party in the princess castle." At what point do I blindfold him and take him to AA?
The cops raided her house the day before class even started
Those assholes are becoming so efficient
I'd like to believe that in some alternate universe we are living this wonderful lesbian life together..
Mom, I'm really sorry you saw my naked ex-boyfriend in the living room this morning. I can explain....but I'd rather just stick with this apology and be done with it
NO MAKING MOLDS OF ANYONES GENITALS
Fine. Suck all the fun out of life.
I am drunkenly riding a razor scooter up and down the hills of Cincinnati
What in the fuck are you doing with your life
I think I am just gonna marry that lesbian. She is more of a respectful gentleman than any of the guys I've slept with.
“On a break” is implied when it’s a Russian chick dressed as Black Widow wearing Minnie Mouse ears
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