Is this going to be a big send off or a somber occasion? Just need to know if I should start drinking on the train or not.
He's crying and calling me out on using him. It's awful. And I'm too drunk to leave.
I hope the walls stop moving before my manager notices that i'm still drunk.
Not only is it unacceptable to be bar hopping alone at 5 o'clock. It is definitely unacceptable to do so with a lobster
Of course it was necessary for me to call the strip club and ask what their shower policy is. Smelled like she was wiping her ass with my eyebrows during that dollar dance.
just gonna show up naked this time. that way i dont have to worry about finding my clothes tomorrow
You peed on someone's house because they had a Wisconsin flag.
I woke up this morning and the lid to the back of my toilet was missing. Dahfaq do I do with this shit?
I ripped my favorite jeans crossing that fence
That sucks
It's an upgrade! I didn;t even have to unzip my pants to pee!
I told my manager I was trying to conserve my energy for date night/Sexual Olympics later. That's legit for another break, right?
I fully support your bad decision but I do not approve of your unironic use of the word yolo
Still, being medically ordered to stuff things in your vagina is amazing.
He asked if we were going to take advantage of his drunken state. When we said no he tired to show us what we were missing out on. It was so sad it almost made him cute.
Um I got a ride home from the bar with two random boys and one tried to bang me on my parents riding mower
I thought it was your cat but I was wrong your Roomba is possessed by a pissed-off evil spirit.
Randomize
