I just made out with a guy for $7.
I picked my nose. Flicked it. I heard it hit something. Next thing I know, it's floating around in my wine glass.
i am positive it's ok to drink. it's just pieces of the plastic knife i forgot was in the blender.
then mid-sex he looked at me and said "i hope this is as good for you as it is for me" and kept going.
Used my jumper cables as a bottle opener last night. Really pleased with my problem solving skills.
crossing my fingers that hitting golf balls off my pourch was a dream and not something that actaculy happened
Mixed review. I fucked her in the river, but then we were assaulted by ducks.
time to play the game of how much Christmas shopping I can get done before these shrooms kick in
I mentioned the porn thing he mentioned a brother it all kinda just came together
I had a dream last night that I answered the phone and after I said hello, Shia Lebeouf started yelling "DO IT! JUST DO IT!" That's when I knew, I had officially become meme trash.
i don't know how to react to you in a diaper crying and calling a football 'sadie'.
My mom just asked me if I knew what Buzzfeed was. Then said she's watching the second Magic Mike for the bodies. Please help.
And no one can masturbate with the sound of Bernie's voice in the background
woke up to find a case of beer in the oven and a random puppy in the house...guess i had a party last night?
Yes I went home with her last night. I woke up this morning and ran into my boss on the way to the bathroom. Monday is going to suck at work.
Randomize
