Pretty sure somebody just said 'I used to have a nipple'
that's awkward
how the fuck did you end up in georgia? you were here at my party dry humping some chick 2 hours ago
so you mean to tell me that there is no way you can get me?
What did you even date her?
because emotionally unstable girls are great in bed.
I threw up red last night... I wanted to pinch myself because it wasn't green.
You both must have been completely wasted because every once in a while we would hear you both stop and start singing to each other. At one point it was taylor swift.
i woke up and the dog was eating spaghetti off my chest.
Just pure bliss will emerge from Charles, my tranny bong.
I'm gonna go drown myself in the shower. Make sure to cover me up before the paramedics arrive. I'm too fat to be seen naked right now.
I'd just like to inform all involved that walking into a liquor store holding a milk crate at the beginning of a night as stock ends badly
WHY ARE THERE NO BLACK EMOJIS? I CAN NEVER PROPERLY IDENTIFY MYSELF.
You left me a voice message at 5 a.m. It was mostly incoherent noise, you screaming my name and then something about a man with two butt holes...
Tequila Tuesdays need to not carry on throughout the week. Having a sad Saturday
In an unrelated matter, im gonna eat you out so much later.
Wait you actually sent a text to your self saying “love you I miss you"?
Double-fisting ice cream and wine. Do not send help.
Randomize
